


A Second Chance

by QueenCarol



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Baby Fic, F/M, father grieving, mother grieving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-07 12:10:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21457846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCarol/pseuds/QueenCarol
Summary: Ezekiel has lost everything; he lost his son, he lost his wife, he lost his community. Perhaps he will never gain any of it back. Perhaps a second chance is just the miracle he needs.
Relationships: Ezekiel/Carol Peletier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1: The Storm Within

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Original characters are the property of the author.

A Second Chance Chapter 1: The Storm Within

A storm is coming. He can feel it in the thickness of the air, in the way his body sweats profusely as a result of the humidity. He can see it in the black angry clouds that roll in. He can smell it in the salt of the seawater. He can feel it in the icy cold wind that blows into him.

A storm is coming to match the storm within him. The storm of a broken man.

He has a mission though, a mission that not even the greatest storm can detain. Having stayed at Hilltop had allowed him to weave new friendships and take on new responsibilities one of which was to retrieve any form of communication left behind by Maggie. He'd been given the location and he'd set out with only Jerry and Diane, his trusted friends. None of them had expected for the storm to blow through this fast but they had to finish their mission.

"Boss! Can't find a single letter!" He hears Jerry roar as they continue searching through the branches.

Usually, Maggie would leave the letters on the tallest tree, in a satchel tied to one of the branches. At least that's what he'd been told. The satchel had been there practically flapping in the wind but there had been no letter. Not wanting to return empty-handed if a letter had been left, Ezekiel had decided to look through the nearby bushes just in case it had been extracted from the satchel by the wind and it had caught itself in them.

But there was nothing.

"I'm not your boss," Ezekiel tells him sternly before pulling his hands back from the bush and sighing in defeat. He turns towards Jerry and gives him a grim look. "I'm afraid our mission has ended in defeat. Gather our resources and take Diane back to Hilltop and away from this storm."

Jerry looks at him confused. "And you, my King?"

Ezekiel feels something break within him. He's not a king and Jerry's affinity to calling him that only brings turmoil and memories he's tried so hard to let go of. "I shall remain, I will join you later on." He says. "Leave before things take a turn for the worse."

Jerry is hesitant to leave him, Ezekiel can see it right away. He just wants a moment to himself, a moment where the storm within can be liberated to be lost in the storm brewing around him, a moment where no one will pity the broken man he has become. A moment to remember his son and wife, the family they nourished and the future that never would be.

"It's an order, Jerry." He declares and turns away from the bigger man.

He pretends to continue the search but he's doing it half-heartedly. The moment he sees the wagon pull away, he stops all acting and staggers back, landing on his butt in the sandy floor. Deep sobs spring forth, sobs he's unable and unwilling to stifle that leave his throat raw. His eyes fill with hot tears that fall and land on his cheeks, burning his skin as they travel down. He needs to release all the pent up sadness and anger that threatens to consume him, if only for one night.

As he predicted, the storm picks up quickly, almost drowning his cries with its force. Out of nowhere rain starts pouring around him, pelting his body with the strength of the wind. He leans forward to place his elbows on his legs then lets his head rest against his hands. The position helps to protect him from the inclement winds but does nothing to keep him dry.

He's gonna have to leave soon, to seek shelter, but he takes another minute to simply feel.

"What are you doing here?!"

The sudden voice has him jumping to his feet as he quickly unsheathes his sword in order to protect himself. The moment he sees who has found him, Ezekiel feels equal parts cold and warm take over his body. He wants to flee but he aches to stay.

Carol.

"What are you doing here?!" She repeats, her eyes wide open as she takes him in. "You are going to catch your death here."

He wants to ask her if she cares about whether he dies or not but decides not to. Instead, he turns towards the tree and gives his head a little nod to signal towards it. "Traveled in search of Maggie's words but I'm afraid there is none."

Carol doesn't approach him but does narrow her eyes at him. At least that's what've thinks she's doing though it could be her way of shielding her eyes from the rain and wind. "You came alone?"

"Jerry and Diane were my escorts." He says with a shake of the head. "I decreed they should return to Hilltop to avoid being caught in the storm."

He sees her forehead scrunch with confusion. Once upon a time, he would have reached forward and tenderly smoothed out the wrinkles with the tip of his finger while asking her what was wrong. Now he had no right to do so.

"I shall find shelter." He half promises half dismisses her.

Ezekiel returns to his previous position fully expecting Carol to go on her way, whichever it is. When a minute goes by and she is still standing there, he turns to look at her once more.

Her mind is obviously battling with itself. He can see it written in her expression as plain as day. He knows her far too well for her to even attempt to hide things from him. He knows a part of her simply wants to leave, to run away from the pain his presence obviously brings. He also knows that another part of her, the part that perhaps still loves him, is grounding her to her spot and begging her to remain at his side, to care for him as a wife would with her husband.

"Proceed with your travels." He surprises even himself by releasing her from whatever responsibility she feels at the moment. He's perfectly fine in staying alone, feeling the strength of the storm as it pounds into him.

Her blue eyes connect with his brown like a lightening straight through the heart. "It's going to get worse." She warns him.

"I am prepared to endure the storm."

"Don't be stubborn." She shakes her head before approaching. She's as wet as he is, her long hair threatening to come loose by the weight of the water, the freckles on her face joined by the droplets of water that managed to defy gravity for a couple of seconds before falling down her cheeks. "We can take shelter at the boat."

"Leave Carol," He insists as he turns to look away, his eyes following the beach's edge until it reaches the far away dock where her boat has been anchored. "You do not wish to stay and I do not wish to force you to my presence."

What she says next is drowned by the storm, or perhaps he tuned it out in his attempt of separating himself from her. He knows she will end up leaving and he will end with a broken heart which is why he is surprised when he feels her approach then sit down beside him.

"Carol."

"If you stay, I am staying." She informs him with a raised eyebrow, her chin tilted high to stop him from arguing with her.

"Carol..."

"If you stay, I am staying." She repeats.

He doesn't know why she now wants to stay when all she has done is run away from him. Does this mean she's in a better place? Does this mean she's ready to stop running and come home to him? Whom is he kidding, she will never stop and he will never be enough for her to stay.

He feels her shiver beside him. Carol is obviously cold; she's always been someone to run cold, with her hands and feet usually freezing. A flash runs through his mind and he remembers all the times they'd snuggle together in front of the fire in an attempt to make her warmer, his hands massaging hers to warm them, her feet somehow buried so close to his that they'd get warm. His first instinct is to raise an arm to wrap it around her and pull her close but he stops himself short. He has no right to that anymore.

Carol notices the movement and turns slightly towards him. He can see her out of the corner of his eyes; shivering, wet to the bone, and looking at him as if he is a conundrum she cannot unravel.

He's never wanted to leave and stay at the same time. Go and not go.

It's Carol that eventually takes the decision from him. She tilts her body just enough to lean against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Her shivering body makes his vibrate. He can't stand her in any type of discomfort so he embraces her, placing an arm over her shoulders. Neither relax, not fully, and it breaks his heart once more that they've arrived at this place.

A clap of thunder makes both of them jump.

"Shit! We need to move!" She declares and doesn't give him a chance to reply before she's up and pulling at his arm. "Come on!"

The second clap of thunder gets him moving. As much as he wishes to be left alone to grieve he has no desire to be struck by lightning. They try to move as quickly as they can towards her boat but the poor visibility, the wet sand, and their boots make it difficult. They eventually make it on the dock and into the boat without falling into the agitated ocean.

There is no time to dwell on the sudden feeling of misplacement that runs through him. He feels out of sorts and completely out of his element as she guides him towards the cabin. Darkness seems to swallow them and he stumbles on what he can only assume is a fishing trap before Carol pulls him into the safety that her boat provides. "Shit, it really started pouring."

Ezekiel freezes on the spot, not because of the cold clothes that cling to his skin but because he's not sure what to do. This is her space, her sanctuary, the place she has chosen to hide from the world to deal with the pain of losing their son. He feels like he's trespassing. He knows he shouldn't be here. He follows her with his eyes as she moves around the cabin. It's not a huge place but it's cozy, even though he can't really find many of the things she had left Hilltop with. She probably got rid of anything that reminded her of their old life.

"Here." She breaks his train of thought by offering him a towel which she pushes against his chest.

He clumsily catches it and unfolds it. It's not a big towel but it will do to help take the chill off. With a struggle he slides off his leather coat then wraps the towel around himself. Carol continues to move around the cabin as she uses her own towel to dry off.

Silence falls between them when she finally stops moving. It's awkward, extremely awkward, far more than it has ever been between them. He shouldn't have followed her into her boat, he should have stayed outside. Surely the lightning bolt would have been far less painful.

It's a good thing he doesn't get seasick since the mixture of the boat rocking and his own insecurity and pain would have surely made him hurl.

With a deep sigh, Carol moves towards the doorframe that separates the living quarters from the captain station and lets herself flop on the mattress. He watches as a deep shiver runs through her body, prompting her to tighten her hold on the towel.

"I should depart." Ezekiel quickly says as he prepares himself to go out into the storm once more.

"Why are you here?" Carol's voice cracks a little bit and though it pains him, Ezekiel pretends to not have heard it. He's not sure if he does it for her sake or his own.

"There has been zero communication between Maggie and Hilltop. The community grows restless. We fear something has come to pass." He explains. "I was sent on a convoy to verify if a letter has been delivered."

Carol narrows her eyes, her forehead once more shriveling in confusion. "Who sent you?"

"The council." He replies swiftly.

"Michonne said she'd gotten word from the council to help to check for Maggie's letters. She asked me to come to check it out." She explains.

It dawns quickly on him why she's been so confused; if Michonne had sent her to check for Maggie's letter because Hilltop's Council had asked for help, why was he there? Now that he thought about it, it hadn't been the Council's idea to go check. He could almost hear Yumiko admitting that Michonne had a hunch they'd find something. It had been Yumiko who had personally asked him to check while telling him they had nothing to lose and everything to gain if they did find a letter.

Carol looks pissed as she stands and walks back and forth, so he refrains from saying a single thing. "I told her not to meddle." She finally lets out under her breath.

"Meddle?" He decides to ask out of curiosity.

Carol pauses and hides her eyes from him. He knows why she is doing it, knows that if he catches her eyes he'll be able to tell what's going on which is something she doesn't want. She's playing her cards close to her chest because that's the only way she can survive.

"Forget it." Carol brushes her words away and turns away from him.

Once more they are surrounded by an awkward silence, heavy and depressing. Suddenly devoid of the strength to pretend things will be fine, Ezekiel sits down on the edge of the mattress where Carol had just been. It's already damp so he doesn't think Carol will care. He looks down at the floor, unable to stop thinking about Carol's recent words. What did she mean? Had she been talking to Michonne about him? About them? Had Michonne orchestrated this meeting? Had Yumiko? It was obvious that this wasn't a chance meeting just like it was obvious that Carol knew more than what she was letting on.

He needs to know so he raises his face in order to confront her but what he sees makes the words burn in his throat, unable to release them.

Carol has stopped pacing and is angrily taking off her gloves. The gloves are the kind where the fingers are bare so she can grip things while still protecting the rest of her hand from any mishaps. It's not the gloves that have caught his attention but what they reveal.

"You are wearing it."

Carol stops her movements as soon as she hears his voice. She tilts her left hand slightly to observe her ring finger where her wedding ring currently rests but doesn't say anything.

"I believed you had already disposed of it."

This time Carol turns to look at him. There's a fire in her eyes as if she's angry that he's seen it, but it fizzles out quickly. She looks down at her hands once more before taking her gloves and casting them aside. He hears a deep sigh come from her before her shoulders slump. Ezekiel wishes he knew what she was thinking, how to help ease the pain, but he too hurts and he hasn't found a way to get rid of the ache, what makes him think he could help her?

He's surprised when Carol turns towards him, still shivering from the wet clothes, and sits beside him. She bites her lip, looking down at her hands as she plays with the gold band, her nail scratching the garnet stone. He's not sure if she's gonna take the ring off but he prays she doesn't. Going through that again would completely break his heart.

"May I inquire as to why?" He finally breaks the silence between them.

"Why I keep it or why I wear it?" Carol asks, finally turning to look at him. He can already see the tears gathering in her eyes, making them appear watery. By the way her chin slightly temples and the way she tightens her jaw he knows that she's trying very hard not to cry.

"Either... both?"

Another clap of thunder cracks outside though this time it sounds muffled by the wood of the boat. Carol shivers once more before sighing and smoothing her hands down her wet pants. "Let's get out of these clothes."

He knows she's deflecting but she's right, if they don't get out of the wet clothes they will get sick and that's something they cannot afford.

She's off the bed right away and sorting through her clothes. It's nothing but a neat pile in one corner but she pulls out from the very top what he can only assume is her pajamas; loose-fitting pants and an equally loose shirt. He's about to tell her he has nothing to wear when she starts pulling at something on the very bottom of her pile. He's surprised, for the third time that night, when she produces a pair of his old sleeping pants and a brownish sleeveless shirt.

"These got mixed with my things when we left King..." She pauses and takes a deep breath unable to even say the name of what had once been their home. "I... I kept them. They are clean so you can use them."

"Thank you," he stammers, still unsure as to why she'd kept them. Sure, they had gotten mixed in with her things, after all, he too had found some of her clothing in his pack, but he'd thought she'd want them as far away from her as possible.

He turns around to start undressing not because he needs it but to give her as much privacy as they can have in the tiny cabin. When he's done changing he stays looking at the wall nearest to him to give her time to change.

"You can turn now." He hears Carol instruct so he does as told. "Put the wet clothes in the bucket. I'll take care of them later."

With his clothes taken care of, Ezekiel turns once more to look at her. A quick glance at her hand tells him she's still wearing the ring which is enough to prompt him to ask again.

Carol turns to look at him. For the first time in a long time he sees the vulnerability in her, a vulnerability he'd seen her hide from him from the moment she arrived at Kingdom after being taken by Alpha. It's as if he's finally seeing the woman he loves, the woman he married. He wants to rush to her, to hold her close and kiss her, to reassure her that somehow they'll make it through, that they will avenge their son but he's afraid that if he moves, if he says a single word, Carol will slide on the mask that she's been wearing and hide behind.

When Carol finally speaks its to tell him something he hadn't expected at all. "I was wrong. Back at Hilltop, I was wrong." She whispers. He can see she's breathing hard and knows that this might end in a panic attack if she's not careful but he's not sure if he should stop her, not when she's finally talking to him. "I left. I abandoned you and our people. I thought... I was sure you'd blame me for his death and I couldn't face that, so I left."

"I never would have..."

"You should have," she interrupts him quickly. "It was my fault. I convinced you to let him go, I told you Daryl would protect him and I was wrong. If it wasn't for me our son... Henry would be alive."

He's unable to stop himself from taking a step towards her but the moment Carol takes one back he stops in his tracks. He watches as her chin wobbles and a single tear slides down her cheek which she quickly brushes away. "I had to let you go before... the darkness in me consumed you as well. I left for Alexandria to free you of it and because I couldn't... it hurt too much to see you and not see Henry. I was wrong to leave."

"You were grieving." Ezekiel offers. "I enchanted you with a fairytale and couldn't make it come true."

"You didn't enchant me." She puffs out as she sits on the edge of the bed, her shoulders slouched. "You made me happy, you gave me love and a family and everything I could have wished for."

"But I failed you."

She shakes her head as she raises a hand to brush another stray tear. "You didn't."

Ezekiel sighs and looks down at his now bare feet. He knows that what he is about to voice is one of his biggest fears but he is also very much aware that he needs to say it. He needs to face the fact that it could have all been just a fairytale. "I loved you and in my eagerness to surround you with that love I failed to see that you didn't return the sentiment. I cajoled you into becoming a Queen when all you desired was to be a mother."

"What?" She sounds surprised at his words, perhaps shocked. He turns to look at her only to find her staring at him with nothing but confusion etched on her face.

"I cornered you into a situation you didn't wish to experience," he continues to explain. "For that, I am deeply sorry."

"You think I didn't love you?" She asks him in an incredulous tone. "You think I stayed only for Henry?"

"Didn't you?" He can't help the rise of his tone of voice. He's never been coarse to her, not even when they had marital disagreements, and he's not going to start now, but the fact is that he's convinced himself the only reason she stayed is because of their son and as much as he hasn't wanted it to happen, anger has accumulated.

"No!" She declares with a sharp shake of her head before she angrily wipes at her tears. "You were... you are the love of my life. I've loved you since you came to my door with that stupid pomegranate and that grin on your face. I've loved you ever since... You saw me when I had lost myself, you held on and made me happy, extremely happy. You treated me like something worth keeping, worth loving, and I messed it all up by leaving you. I'm sorry I never said it enough. You didn't deserve that."

"Why do you wear the ring?" He asks once again, still afraid of her answer. "To enact punishment on yourself? To remind you not to trust anyone? To remind you of our failed family?"

She shakes her head and looks away. She's avoiding the question and though normally he'd let her, something pushes him to continue. "Carol, why do you keep the ring? Why do you wear it?"

"Because then I can pretend that all of this is a horrible nightmare!" She exclaims loudly, her voice bouncing off the walls.

Once again she curls into herself as she attempts to hold herself together. He wants to move to her side but he's not sure if she'll react as before and shut down. She's obviously been dealing with as much pain as he has and just like him she has been unable to let it go until this very moment.

Carol continues talking though this time her voice is smaller, broken and he has to strain to hear it. "I...I can pretend I wasn't stupid enough to leave you. I can pretend that you and Henry are waiting for me back home. I can pretend I didn't get our son killed and that you still love me. I can pretend I am not a monster."

"You aren't a monster."

"I am, Ezekiel," she restates. "I am the monster that can't protect her children. The monster that turns everything to ashes. The monster that hurt the man who loved her despite who she was. I stay here because if I don't someone else will end up killed. If I stay here I can pretend I didn't lose everything. I work until my body can't take it anymore, until the physical pain is worse than that in my heart, until I can sleep without seeing the pain in your eyes when I left or seeing... Henry... dead..."

He rushes to her side as she breaks down, his arms instantly going around her, pulling her up from the bed until she's wrapped in his strong arms. Her arms go around his waist as her face buries in his chest and neck, deep sobs wracking her body. They are both falling apart at the seams, unstitching with each passing day, but maybe if he holds on to her, if she holds on to him, maybe they'll be able to stitch each other back up again.

"I still love you," he whispers against her semi-dry hair. "I may be the biggest of fools, but I still love you and I want to spare you this pain."

Her arms tighten around him as she lets out another sob. He can feel the wetness grow on his shirt but he doesn't care. He too battles with tears that threaten to fall but he eventually decides that pretending not to be hurt is the opposite of what he should be doing so he lets them fall.

"For the longest time after you left, I believed you desired your freedom from the family we had built. That without our boy you had nothing left to stay for. I let that simmer and fester within me." He confesses regretfully. "I felt powerless as I saw you pull away, conceal your feelings, and slip through my fingers. I saw you lean on others for support, saw you confide in others when you couldn't confide in me. I hated myself for it. I desired to be your support once again but my approach was less than stellar. Instead of soothing your pain I believe I made you think I was trying to keep you from those you loved. I couldn't give you the one thing you wanted the most; our son in your arms. At Hilltop I didn't fight for you and I've regretted it ever since..."

"You shouldn't have had to." She whimpers as she leans her head back just enough to make eye contact with him. "You deserved better than to chase after me... again."

"My heart will always chase after you, Carol." He admits to her before placing a tender kiss on her forehead. "Not because of duty but because of endless love that binds my soul to yours. My mind didn't understand that until you'd left and by then it was too late."

"I carried the guilt of losing Henry by Alpha's hand, losing the Kingdom to rot and you to a reality I was not prepared to live." Ezekiel continues. "Tonight I sent Jerry and Diane back to Hilltop with the full intent of weathering the storm alone. If I caught my death in it, I was prepared to embrace it..."

"Don't say that," she begs, her chin wobbling once again. "Please."

"It's the truth, Carol." He admits. He blinks rapidly to get rid of the flood of tears that make his vision blurry. He swears the tears burn his skin as they fall but he lets them. To feel the sting of the salty liquid is better than to feel the numbness he's been feeling. "I am nothing but a broken man."

She releases her hold on his waist to raise a hand and brush away his tears. Ezekiel can't help but lean against her touch, the coldness of her hand soothing his raw skin.

"I'm sorry you thought all of that." She whispers. Slowly she guides his face so that he's looking at her. She's as beautiful as she's always been, as raw as he's ever seen her. "I'm sorry I made you think I didn't love you."

He knows he'll probably regret his actions later but the pull of her blue eyes is too strong. She's a broken woman as much as he is a broken man; their grief having spread through their souls, but perhaps for a moment, a tiny moment, they can pretend to be whole again. Slowly he leans forward fully expecting for her to pull away. When she doesn't and instead leans in as well, he knows he's gotten the go-ahead.

The kiss starts soft and tender; small presses of their lips intertwined with the breath of relief. It's the kiss of a man and a woman who are afraid to feel again, to open up their hearts to the ache they carry and the love that can grow. Slowly it morphs into a passion that can only come from years of knowing your partner and the ache to feel their body pressed to yours. He can't get enough of the feel of her; of her lips, of her hands on his skin, of the curves and dips that make up the valley of her body.

Before he knows it he has picked her up and pulled her against him while Carol wraps her legs around his waist and starts tugging at his shirt. Their clothes remain on them until they reach the bed then fly in a flurry of kisses, touch, and passion. It's been months since he's felt her passionate touch, since his hands have traveled her soft skin, but it all seems to come back to them in the blink of an eye. They both take the plunge, willing to be burned in the process because they need to feel each other's love.

Their bodies fit together as they always have as if they had never left each other as they join in the oldest dance there is. He covers her skin with kisses that hold silent promises and in return, she whispers 'I love you' near his ears so that only he can hear. Her body arches against his as their hips meet each other. Her fingernails scratch his back, his nips ignite her skin. It's fast, too fast, but he hopes they will have a chance to make love later. Together they climb the highest climb of their lives then crash in a flurry of limbs, hard breaths and love.

Afterward, he holds her against him, spooning her from behind and resting his forehead on her shoulder. Her legs get tangled with his, her hair a mess on the bed that covers the pillows and tickles his face. She's still wearing her ring. His is still buried in one of the pockets of his coat.

"What does this mean?" He finally asks, still afraid that she will push him away. He knows his wife and he knows Carol is passionate, but he also knows she's a master of compartmentalizing and pushing aside her feelings.

"I can't go back." She admits to him. Her voice already begins to crack despite him holding her tighter. "I can't."

"I know," Ezekiel admits.

"That doesn't mean I don't love you." She continues explaining. "That I never loved you. You have to know that."

"I do now." He assures her before placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"I know it's selfish to ask you to wait for me to..." Carol pauses and he's sure her pause stems from not knowing what she wants to do. Does she want to continue running until her grief has stopped being as sharp? Does she want to enact revenge on Alpha before she can come back to him? Does she need to resurface from the depths of her own ashes and reinvent herself before she can be his wife again? Whatever it is, he knows he will wait for without her asking.

"I miss him so much," she whispers.

The next thing he feels is her body shaking. In the blink of an eye, she has gone from recuperating from their passionate love-making to sobbing in his arms. He tightens his arms around her, holding her, trying to keep all her pieces from falling and scattering until they can no longer be found.

"I miss seeing him practice with his staff. I miss hearing his laugh at something you and Jerry have said." Carol's sobs almost make her words unintelligent but he somehow understands. He understands because it's things he too misses, things that tug at his heart and bring an image to his mind's eye that makes him want to cry along with her. "I miss the way you two would gang up on me to get me to rest. I miss the way he'd curl against me when he was sick. I miss his smile... I miss him calling me mom."

Carol dissolves into tears once more but this time he urges her to turn around, to mold against him and simply let go of all her grief. He's ready to hold her, ready to be her strength. Ezekiel knows for a fact that she hadn't been able to do this all those months ago, that she'd closed down and shut herself up for self-preservation. It had hurt back then but he now knows that it's not that she didn't want to grieve with him but that she simply couldn't grieve at all or she would fall apart.

"I've got you." He whispers against her hair as her body continues to tremble, as she digs her fingers into his back and sobs into his chest. "Release it, my love."

"It's not fair. Henry didn't hurt anyone," she mumbles. "All he wanted was to save Lydia."

"He was a brave young man. I will forever be proud to call him my son." And he did feel proud. Perhaps he hadn't sired the boy, perhaps they hadn't shared blood in common, but Henry was his son just the same and watching him grow for as long as he could had been an honor.

Carol continues crying, her sobs loud and strong. Ezekiel cries too though his tears are silent. He is sure his time to grieve will come as well.

"Why did she have to hurt him? Why, Henry?" She whimpers as only a mother in need of answers can do. "She has to die. I don't care how but she has to die!"

"We will avenge our son, Carol. We can only do so together, as his father and his mother. The two people who loved him most in the world." Ezekiel promises. He doesn't know how they will do it or when it will happen, but Alpha's crimes will not go unpunished.

Her tears continue and he focuses on gently caressing her; smoothing kisses on her shoulder and cheeks, softly touching her shoulder with the tips of his fingers, threading his fingers in her hair like he knows she enjoys. It soothes her, just like Ezekiel knew it would. Her face is splotchy, swollen from crying, but he still thinks she looks beautiful.

When her tears have finally stopped, Carol rests her head against his chest, taking in deep breaths that come out mostly intact though sometimes broken by emotion. He knows she will be exhausted from crying and from the physical work she'd done throughout the day and that it might mean not moving for a long time, but he doesn't care. He'll hold her until she's ready to be released.

"I don't know what this means." Carol finally admits to him after the storm has passed, both within her and outside her boat. "All I know is that I need you and I was dumb to leave and that I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Ezekiel isn't sure whether to think this is good or not. He'd come to the beach fully expecting to find some letters and if not, to spend the day at the beach to try and reconnect with his lost son and let go of some of his pain. Instead, a storm had given him the opportunity to reconnect with his lost wife and to clear the storm in his mind. Now that he's somehow connected to Carol again, he doesn't want to let her go, never again.

"All I know is that I love you." Carol's words cut through his train of thought, lifting his spirits even further. "That I never stopped and that I hope someday you can forgive me."

As he tightens his arms around her, Ezekiel lets out a silent prayer for guidance and strength. He knows that today doesn't fix everything, that there are still many things they have to talk about, but for the first time since that faithful night that saw their arrival at Kingdom, he feels hope. Hope that perhaps his marriage hasn't fallen completely apart, hope that the woman he loves, loves him in return and that they can once more form a family. Hope that somehow the broken man he has become might have a chance to heal. Perhaps the grief he feels threatened to be consumed by can now recede as the storm has.

Ezekiel has no doubt that a storm can be destructive, can tear things apart and ruin everything in its path, but he knows a storm can also clear the earth it impacts, wash away the grime and pollution and restore the beauty of life.

He hopes his metaphorical storm will do just that and that when it truly passes he can finally say he didn't weather it alone.


	2. Chapter 2: The Guilt Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezekiel carries the guilt of his son's death deep within him. If only he had paid more attention and not let the fair overpower his every thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Original characters are the property of the author.

A Second Chance Chapter 2: The Fault Within

"It's your fault! All you had to do was watch him! You let him get taken and now he's dead! It's your fault!"

Carol's angry tear-stained face is the last thing he sees of his nightmare before he wakes with a jolt. His heart beats wildly in his chest as he tries to slow down his breathing. Everything around him in the cabin is dark, pitch black, and only the creaking of the boat as it rocks on the waves can be heard. That and Carol's breathing.

He's sweaty and no matter what he does he's unable to fully catch his breath. He doesn't want to disturb Carol who is finally resting after fighting sleep for most of the night, so he slowly pulls away from her side, his naked feet padding in the wooden floor as he makes his way out of her sleeping quarters and into the deck.

The rush of fresh air hits him when he opens the cabin's door, forcing cold ocean wind into his lungs. He should have grabbed his coat before leaving but that would have meant trying to find it in the dark and possibly waking Carol. He doesn't want her to see him this way, not again. He wants to spare her the pain of his own guilt.

They've been doing better. After that afternoon where they had been forced on her boat as a way to escape the storm, they've met more than half a dozen times. They always use the excuse of checking for Maggie's letters in order to meet but at the end of the day Ezekiel always sends his entourage back to Hilltop and they end up in each other's arms, floating in the middle of the ocean. It's not perfect and they both know there are still many things they have to work through, but it's a step in the right direction.

He knows what his dream means; he blames himself for Henry's death and everything that has happened since. Henry had come to The Kingdom safe and sound and happy to be back in his parents' arms. While Carol had gone to investigate the attacked wagon, Henry'd been left in his care and had been taken right under his nose. He'd practically given a tour to Alpha, driving her straight to his son.

If only he'd been paying attention instead of being wrapped up in the glory of the fair.

If only he'd kept a close watch on Henry, wrapped his arms around his son and physically protected him.

If only he hadn't agreed to let Henry out of The Kingdom.

If only...

Ezekiel lets out a sigh and dips his head in defeat as he leans on the boat's rail. He'll forever be haunted by those questions, by the horrible realization that he could have done something to prevent the reality they now live in. Instead, he feels like he'd failed his son, his wife, his community. He will forever fear that Carol blames him.

"Hey."

Carol has always been able to sneak up on him, so much so that he doesn't even jump as her voice breaks the patterned noises of the ocean. He's used to her silent approach. He still looks up though, his eyes settling on the darkened horizon without moving from his current position.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He tries to sooth the obvious worry in her voice. "Couldn't sleep."

"Couldn't sleep?" She asks incredulously as she leans beside him against the rail. "Or you had a nightmare?"

Of course, she knows about the nightmares. Ezekiel knows she has them too. It would be impossible not to have them after what they've lived through. Still, he doesn't accept or deny her question.

"I see him when I sleep." She whispers so softly that her voice is almost drowned by the sound of the water lapping on the boat.

Ezekiel turns to look at her slowly; he knows how hard it is for Carol to open up about something that really hurts her, even to him, and he doesn't want to scare her away by turning quickly. He's always known when to tread lightly with Carol and everything in him tells him this is one of those moments. Maybe if he focuses on her words he'll forget why they are outside in the first place.

"You do?"

Carol gives him a nod as she takes a deep breath. Her loose hair blows in the soft breeze, it's soft tendrils flying everywhere in a dance that looks like a storm, almost becoming an illustration of what he envisions is the torment in her mind. "Sometimes he's just asking me where I am going like he knows I'm stuck, sometimes he's... bloody and hurt."

He hadn't seen Henry on the pike, hadn't been privy to the horrible sight that Carol had encountered, but he'd seen his son's remains and the memory still brings an icy shiver through his spine that explodes into physical pain through his head, neck, and heart.

"He too finds me in slumber," Ezekiel admits as he fights with all his being to not show the sudden wave of emotion that rushes to him. "Never hurt, at least not physically. He does challenge my decision to let him depart from Kingdom."

"It wasn't your fault." Carol quickly tells him as she turns her whole body towards him. "Henry wanted to go, he wanted to do it for The Kingdom. We needed it and he knew it. It wasn't your fault."

She reaches for him, her fingers caressing his arm as he loses the fight with his emotions. One second he is able to focus on the horizon and the next everything is blurry and his chest is tight. He struggles to catch his breath as he feels Carol's hand smooth up his arm then transfer to his back. Slowly she moves her hand back and forth, calming him with her touch. Deep sobs wreck his body, making his chest and ribs hurt. He's surprised when Carol wraps her arms around him and presses her temple to his shoulder. He turns to bury himself in her embrace, in the warmth of her arms and the protection they provide.

"Let it out, baby." She whispers. "I've got you."

Ezekiel doesn't fight it anymore. He lets every ounce of his pain wash through him, tear at his soul like Shiva's claws would have torn through skin. He cries and screams and slumps against Carol but she keeps her hold on him and never falters.

He's not sure how much time passes before he is able to control himself. He still sniffles, his face burning were the salt of his tears has turned his skin raw but at least he can breathe properly now. "It wasn't your fault. " He hears her whisper as she pulls away. "I convinced you to let him go. If its anyone's fault then it's mine."

Ezekiel's hand raises and gently caresses her arm much like she'd done to him earlier, however he doesn't move his hand away. His fingers slide down her arm until they find hers and intertwine. He gives her hand a gentle squeeze which she quickly returns. They are together.

"It's not." He assures her. "I knew he had to go but I was hesitant because I wanted him safe. Our son was headstrong. He would have found a way to go whether we wanted him to or not."

He hears a tiny chuckle come from Carol. Perhaps she's remembering all those times Henry had gotten in trouble for doing what he thought needed to be done despite being told not to. He too can't help but smile at the memory of their son, of his pure and vivacious spirit.

Ezekiel lowers his eyes to look at their clasped hands, the smile slowly melting from his face. He knows he has to tell her, whether he wants to hear her answer or not, whether he is emotionally ready for her answer. The thought that perhaps she does blame him and is only telling him what he needs to hear, even if she only blames him a little, is enough to make him run cold. Not knowing, however, is infinitely worse and if they are going to fix their marriage he cannot let this go without addressing.

"I dreamt you blamed me. You were screaming and crying so desperately." He explains.

Carol squeezes his hand in support once more. He feels his throat tightening and he clears it in order to get the words out. "I tried to hold you, I tried to soothe you, but you were..."

"Hysterical?" She finishes for him. Ezekiel nods in agreement. "Sometimes I wish I had been."

"You kept telling me it was my fault, that I only had to watch him."

"It was just a nightmare," Carol whispers before she lets go of his hand and takes a step closer to curl against him. It's her way of trying to soothe his pain and it warms something within him that slowly pushes away the ice-cold air the ocean had settled in his chest, as well as the idea that she blames him. She wouldn't be moving towards him if she did. Ezekiel immediately wraps his arms around her.

"But you were right. I only had to observe him and protect him. Instead, I walked Alpha to his side. I will never forgive myself for it."

"I shouldn't have left that day." He hears her admit against his neck. "I wanted to stay. I wanted to hug him and never let go. I wanted to stay with you and enjoy the fair and just... be with our family. Leaving that day was the worst thing I ever did. Maybe if I had been there we could have protected him better. Thing is… neither of us knew who Alpha was. We'd never seen her before. How were you supposed to know that the woman you were talking to was her?"

Ezekiel presses a kiss to her forehead. He knows she is right but it does nothing to ease his pain. It seems they've both been blaming themselves, carrying the guilt of the loss of their son while thinking the other person blamed them. "Perhaps we've both carried our guilt close to our heart."

Carol pulls back slightly, her eyes once again sparkling with tears as they lock with his. A single tear slides out of her eye and moves down her cheek which he tenderly wipes away before kissing her forehead.

"Henry would have laughed at us and told us we were fools." She adds before burying her face against his neck once more. "He would have. He would have thought we were crazy and he'd find a way to shake us to remind us what we have."

"What do we have, Carol?"

Ezekiel has avoided asking that question out of fear of what she would say. He thinks they are making headway, feels closer to her than he's been in months and finally feels hope for their future, but he's still terrified that she'll say this doesn't change a thing and they are still as estranged as the day she tried to give her ring back.

In his arms, Carol curls into herself tighter before pulling away from him completely. He feels his stomach fall into an endless pit when he finds tears in her eyes. This is not going to end well, he can feel it.

"I don't know." Carol finally admits as she wraps her arms tightly around herself. A shiver runs through her and it takes everything in his power to not wrap his arms around her. "I wish I could go back in time and prevent all of this from happening. We were happy, we were in love... we had Henry. I somehow ended messing it all up. I abandoned you and broke your heart. I became this..."

The trembling becomes even stronger and he can't take it anymore. He takes a step closer to her, his arms ready to wrap around her, but Carol takes a huge step back, shaking her head and curling even more in order to protect herself from what her scared mind perceives as danger.

Unable to see her shivering this way, whether it is from the cold of the ocean or the cold within her, Ezekiel quickly moves away from her and goes inside the cabin. He looks around the small room and promptly reaches for a blanket she'd discarded earlier. He pulls it without care and rushes back to the deck. "Let me shelter you." He begs, stopping a couple of steps in front of her with the unfolded blanket in his hands. He approaches only when Carol nods.

As soon as she's wrapped in the soft blanket, Ezekiel runs his hands up and down her arms over the blanket to provide her with some warmth. "Ezekiel," Carol whimpers to catch his attention. "Please stop..."

He does as requested. Once again his stomach sinks deep in his belly. This is what he's been fearing the most and he knows it. This is the end of them.

"My apologies."

Carol shakes her head at his words. "Stop... stop being kind to me. Stop loving me. It will only get you hurt. There is a monster inside of me, Zeke and I can't... I can't hold it back anymore." Her tears start falling, endlessly running down her cheeks as her voice trembles. "I'm exhausted. I... I don't know what to do, I don't know what's right or wrong, I only want... I want Alpha gone and I want Henry and you back."

He crouches down slightly so that their heights are the same and he can look straight into her eyes. She avoids his gaze but he follows her until she has no other choice but to look at him. "I would give my very existence so that you could have Henry back. I wouldn't hesitate if it meant I could see happiness upon your face."

"I wouldn't be happy without you there." She quickly tells him. "I wouldn't."

"Carol," he whispers to her as he drops all pretenses of the King. "I am here. I am. I can't give you Henry back. Our son is gone, babe. But I'm here and I love you."

"How can you?"

"Don't... don't question it. I love you, Carol. I love you. I don't blame you, I don't. I forgive you for leaving." He leans forward and presses his forehead against hers. He repeats his words over and over until she understands them. "I love you. I love you, Carol. I love you."

Slowly he feels her body relax until she starts curling against him. He knows the moment she finally accepts his words because she sags against his body.

He hears her mumbling something but he can't quite place it, not until her words get stronger. "I love you. I love you so much, Ezekiel. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I love you."

They hold each other tightly, even as they move to sit on the deck. They are a mess of tears and snot and regret but they are also a mixture of love and hope. They connect fully once more for the first time in months, wrapped in a thick blanket, souls exhausted beyond belief but reassured of their love.

"I wish I could have met you before all of this." She whispers before once more snuggling against him. "Before all this loss and pain, before the end of the world, before I married Ed."

"You wouldn't have gazed upon me if we had." He assures her with a chuckle as he judges her cheek with his nose. "You'd never fallen for a thespian."

Carol shifts until she's once again looking at him. She gives a little shake of her head and a tiny smile. "It's you who wouldn't have fallen for me. I was nothing but a meek, unsure woman."

"I would have known you." He promises. "I would have known your soul. I would have loved you then as deeply as I love you know."

A hand cups his cheek, her thumb caressing him before Carol leans forward and presses her lips to his. He barely moves, afraid to be too much and scare her though his lips do react to hers.

What starts as a gentle peck turns to two, then three and slowly morphs into a passionate kiss, the kind that they've shared many times before in the privacy of their bedroom when their only worry was a set of old pipes crackling and they had all the time in the world to just feel and be. Finally, he moves. He can't help but let his hands wander as he gently caresses her face, her neck, her waist. As Carol leans back changing their position so that she's laying down and he hovers above her, Ezekiel loses himself in the woman he loves. He kisses and nips, caresses and worships. He deeply desires to make love to her. He wants to take his time, to relearn her body, to cover every inch of her skin with kisses and caresses that tell her how much he loves her.

"Make love to me." She whispers between breaths. "Please."

Carol doesn't have to beg. He's ready to lose himself in her in a heartbeat. "Let us retire to your chambers."

"No." She shakes her head at him, her blue eyes sparkling with the light reflecting from the moon. She looks ethereal and goddess-like and yet so real and human. He falls in love with her all over again. "Make love to me here. Under the stars."

He does. He makes love to her over and over, unable to satiate the deep desire he feels for her. They take it slow, re-learning their bodies, re-learning what each of them likes, what they like as a couple. When they are done they remain in the deck wrapped in each other's arms, guarding off the chill by sharing body heat and the blanket he'd brought out. They wake throughout the night and early morning, sometimes making love, sometimes just holding each other and listening to what the other had to say, crying, laughing and reconnecting.

"What shall we do?" He asks as he lets the tip of his fingers dance against the skin on her arm. "You can't go back, I understand why that is. I understand that all the memories that would arise while living at Hilltop would bring you sorrow. Do we reside in your boat and sail to the unknown?"

Carol takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. He knows she's considering everything but what she doesn't know is that he's ready to accept whatever she tells him. If she wants to stay in her boat he will stay with her. If she wants to live in Hilltop or Alexandria, he will go with her. If she wants to set out to find a new home, he will follow her to the end of the world. As much as it pains him, he would even leave her if that's what she desired.

"I don't know." She finally admits. "I'm not ready to go back, not right now. I still need to work through things but I know… I know I won't be able to do so if you are here. I don't want you to see me while I go through it." She adds in the tiniest whisper.

Her eyes connect with his and he finds sorrow and fear in them, lots of fear. He knows she's afraid that he will decide it's not worth it, that giving her what she needs is too much, and that he will leave. He wants nothing more than to erase that fear. He needs to erase that fear.

To answer, Ezekiel leans forward and places a kiss to her forehead. "Our rendezvous have worked in our favor. Perhaps we can continue exploring us while giving you the privacy you deserve."

"You'd be okay with that?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Carol. I've always wanted to give you what you need, no matter what that is." He assures her, raising a hand to gently cup her cheek and guide her lips to his. Ezekiel gives her a gentle series of pecks before pulling back just enough so that he can see her blue eyes. He needs her to see into his eyes so that she can see that he isn't hiding a single thing. "If what you desire the most is solitude in your boat, then I will do my best to provide it."

"But that's not fair to you," Carol tells him with a small shake of her head. "I can't let you do that."

"When has life ever been fair, beloved?" He asks her. "I am not looking for fairness, I am looking for reality and truth, whatever that truth might be."

"And if that truth ends up being that I just… can't…"

"Then we shall deal with that as well." He promises before he slowly lets a smile take over his lips.

"And yet you smile." She whispers to him, her hand raising to caress his cheek.

"And yet we smile."

By the time morning comes and the sky is painted orange, yellow and blue, Ezekiel knows that no matter what happens they will make it thru.

Their love is strong enough to survive this.

Whatever the future may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We delved into Ezekiel's guilt in this chapter. 
> 
> BEWARE: After this chapter this story officially becomes a little grim. Continue at your own caution.


	3. Chapter 3: The Illness Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is wrong. He knows this as soon as he sees her wave enthusiastically. He knows it as soon as he sees the fake smile on her lips that doesn't quite cover the evidence of how tired she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character, lines or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Original characters are the property of the author.
> 
> Note: Some dialogue from TWD has been used as a basis for this chapter.

A Second Chance Chapter 3: The Sickness Within

Something is wrong. He knows this as soon as he sees her wave enthusiastically. He knows it as soon as he sees the fake smile on her lips that doesn't quite cover the evidence of how tired she is.

She's too far away when he first sees her but as she draws closer he notices how bad she looks.

What's going on?

What happened since he last saw her?

As soon as the boat comes close, Carol throws the rope that will anchor her boat to the dock. Ezekiel catches it and starts pulling, aided by Daryl and Connie, until they tie their end to the metal pole which will make sure her boat doesn't drift away. He brushes off the dirt from his hands and moves towards the only opening on the side of the boat where he knows she will disembark.

She's stalling. He can sense that she is keeping away, pretending to be gathering her things before she comes on to the dock for her visit. The happiness and excitement that had been gathering in his chest all morning dissipate immediately. He takes a step back, then another, until he's far enough away that Carol will not feel like he's awaiting her appearance.

Sure enough, she comes out with that fake smile still on her lips, turning to look towards Daryl as if he will be her savior. Daryl is too focused on Connie so Ezekiel takes a step forward, arm extended and hand ready to help her down.

"Carol." He says to give her a heads up. Thankfully she takes his offered hand and lands on the dock with a small jump.

Carol is tense. She's trying to pretend everything is fine and Ezekiel is completely confused.

What is going on?

"Hey." He greets her awkwardly, trying to hide the fear he feels, the worry and confusion that takes over him.

Last time he'd seen her they had sailed on her boat the whole week. They'd been nothing short of a loving couple learning to show their love once again. They'd joked, made love, worked hard on her boat then laid under the stars recouping. They'd been perfectly fine. Everything had pointed to her making leeway and to them fixing their relationship. It had been almost two months ago but it hadn't been his fault that things had gotten bad back at Hilltop and that he'd been so busy he'd been unable to get away from all of it.

Is she mad because he hadn't been there when she's docked at Maggie's spot? Is she angry that so much time has passed before they were able to see each other? Has she suddenly come to regret what they'd been living the past few months?

"Hey." She answers back. He can see that she's hiding as she awkwardly waits to see what he'll say. "It's good to see you."

He's so confused. All he knows is this isn't the woman he's spent time with, this isn't the woman he loves and that loves him in return. She's hiding again behind one of her masks and he has no clue what has prompted her to do it.

"You too."

He needs to pull her out of her gloom once more, he knows it. Whenever she is afraid she hides, she runs, but he's always been able to stop her and guide her to peace. This time it can't be different, right? He should be able to do it. And yet there is something in him that tells him he's never dealt with anything like this in all of their time together.

"You look good." He offers, continuing the small talk while awkwardly pretending to understand what's happening.

This time it's her turn to look confused. She blinks twice and tilts her head to the side. Ezekiel knows that she's caught him in a lie almost as soon as she finishes blinking. As much as he loves her and she will always look beautiful to him, she looks exhausted, tired beyond her years and... almost seasick. By the look on her face, as if she can't quite compute what he is saying, he knows that she is aware of how she looks.

But that can't be right, can it? He's seen her on her boat countless times and she's always seemed right at home. He's even seen her in the middle of a huge storm that had the boat rocking as it broke the ocean's waves and she'd been fine. Why does she look as if she's never been on a boat before?

He can't help but notice that she's skinnier too. Carol has always had a nice body; lean and strong but also tender, supple and full of life. Her hips have always called to him and he's not afraid to admit that he's spent a great deal of time caressing them. Now, she looks extremely thin, as if she's either run out of food or she's been having a hard time keeping anything in her system. It worries him tremendously.

Before he can mention anything though, Carol's sense of flight seems to kick in. "Thanks." She lets out before turning to look over her shoulder. "Uhmmm...Excuse me."

As she moves away, a sudden thought occurs to him; she's hiding something and it is obviously something that she doesn't want him to know about. That's the only thing he can think of that would make her act this way towards him. Perhaps he' trying to find a reason as to why all of this is happening, perhaps he's trying to deny what is right in front of him, perhaps he's holding on to some hope, even if it is a sliver of it, but he can't believe anything else. She is hiding something.

She's gone before he can stop her, before he even acknowledges her desire to leave. He watches as she embraces Connie then dramatically hugs Daryl. Something breaks within him once again as dread threatens to consume him and dashes away all the reasoning he's just done. He can't let her pull away, not again, not after everything they've recently accomplished, he knows that now.

With a sense of urgency, Ezekiel follows behind the retreating friends. He doesn't reach them until they've stopped beside the wagon. Carol mounts the wagon before he's able to say a word and not wanting to make a scene, for he knows that Carol would abhor it, Ezekiel remains quiet and mounts as well. He doesn't make a move to sit beside her for he knows Daryl will take that spot, plus it would only end up pushing her further away and that's the last thing he wants. Instead, he moves to the back and settles as far away as he can while still being able to keep an eye on her.

If she's hiding something he will observe her until he figures it out.

She looks sickly. There is simply no denying it or ignoring it. Although her skin is slightly sunburnt from being on the boat he can tell that there is a ghostly white underneath it. She also has dark circles under her eyes and she's sweating bullets. Every jerk of the wagon makes her try and steady herself, hands reaching forward as if to find balance, her eyes close for a second. Something is really wrong with her and he hates not being able to ask her about it or help her through her ailment. Carol smiles though, tells Daryl not to be a worrywart and to take them to Oceanside.

A nudge has him turning to his left where he catches Connie showing him her little notepad. He leans slightly to the side to read the dark words she's inked.

_'Everything all right?'_

He turns once more to look at Carol before shaking his head. He reaches for Connie's marker and for her pad to write down on it.

_'I'm worried about her.'_

He gives a tilt to the head, motioning towards Carol with the end of his chin. Connie follows his movement and narrows her eyes at his wife before turning to her pad and writing down quickly.

_'She looks a little pale. Is she sick?'_

Ezekiel hates the fact that he doesn't know with certainty the answer to her question. He gives her a little shrug before taking the marker again.

_'I believe so.'_

_'You should take her to see the Hilltop medic. Or Siddiq.'_

He knows Connie means well and that she hasn't known Carol as long or as well as he does but if there is something that cannot be done is to tell his wife what to do. She'll listen but then she'll do what she feels needs to be done.

Instead of answering on the pad, Ezekiel chuckles and shakes his head. Connie makes an expression that tells him she understands how difficult a loved one can be before shifting her attention to Dog who places his head on her lap and looks up at her in a way that leaves no room for interpretation of what he wants.

With Connie showering Dog with affection and Daryl and Carol riding in front, Ezekiel rides the rest of the way in silence.

He continues observing his once again estranged wife. Once or twice he thinks Carol is looking at him from the corner of her eye, but it's hard to tell before she turns away from him. His mind reminds him yet again bout the terrifying thought that maybe she's decided she's done with him, that these past few months have meant nothing to her, and that by ignoring him she is telling him to get lost. He refuses to believe it though, not after what they've gone through and all the healing they've been able to accomplish. It could have been for nothing.

When they arrive at Oceanside, he descends from the wagon before Carol but makes no rush to help her down because he knows Daryl will do it. Just as he thought, the man helps Carol down before turning to Connie, sharing a smile and helping her down as well.

"I'll be back," Daryl promises Carol who gives him a nod. He whistles for Dog who zooms by them as he follows Connie to wherever she is going.

Awkwardly Ezekiel awaits by the wagon, not quite sure what to ask Carol. When he finally settles on the words he will use and opens his mouth, Carol interrupts him.

"I'm fine." She tells him straight away. "I can see you are worrying. Don't."

He shakes his head and gives a low chuckle before he raises a hand and kneads at the muscles on the back of his neck. So she had been seeing him, at least he hadn't imagined that part. They'd both been studying each other.

"Are you ill?"

"I'm fine. Nothing you need to worry about." She repeats in a short tone of voice.

He can't help but react to her words, staring at her in disbelief. Who is she? Where is the woman he'd said goodbye to a couple of months ago? The woman who couldn't stop kissing him and holding on to him as he prepared to leave? Where was the woman that looked into his eyes and showed every emotion her body carried? How did he get her back?

Once again Carol beats him to speak. "I'm not going to stay long. I'll be leaving in the morning. Gonna spend the night at Alexandria."

The last of his hopes are completely squashed. If she's planning to stay in Alexandria knowing well that his home is now at Hilltop it could only mean one thing; she doesn't want to be with him. She's finally arrived at her decision and it is not what he's hoped for. He wants to fight for her, wants to remind her that they are worth fighting for, but he's made a promise to her that whatever she decides is what they will do, no matter how unfair it is to him.

He has truly lost everything.

Sighing, Ezekiel drops his hand from his neck and gives her another nod. "Very well. I shall leave you to take care of your commitments. I will depart to Hilltop immediately."

He raises his eyes and for a brief second he catches a tinge of sadness in her blues but he looks away before he can see anything else. His heart is too heavy, his soul is too hurt to see her anymore. He needs to be away from her, he needs to be alone to lick his wounds and hopefully find a way to fix whatever has broken inside of him. He needs to deal with the pain and disappointment that losing everything for a second time has brought him. He needs to be alone, to just forget everything and go.

So he does.

\-----

"You ask about Carol?"

He knows Daryl means well by asking him but after three months of knowing Carol has stayed at Alexandria and has made no effort to communicate with him, Ezekiel feels too broken to react positively to his question.

Perhaps he will never know what he has done wrong, perhaps he will never know why she changed her mind, but the fact reminds that Carol has decided they don't belong together and he has no strength to fight. He's lost everything; his son, his wife, his home, and himself.

His hand tightens around Henry's metal tiger, his fingers caressing the ridges his son had cast on it. It calms him enough to not show his gut reaction.

Sadden and broken, Ezekiel shakes his head. "Nah." He replies, his shoulders dropping. He turns to leave but Daryl's hand on his shoulder stops him from fully retreating.

"You ask about Carol?" He states yet again, a little bit more forceful.

Ezekiel narrows his eyes. He feels like he is missing something in this exchange but he's not quite sure what. Daryl isn't a man of many words and yet here he is almost insisting that he ask about his estranged wife. Why?

"Has Carol sent..."

It's Daryl's turn to shake his head and reply "Nah."

If Carol hasn't sent him with a message, why is Daryl so insistent?

"You ask about Carol?" Daryl asks yet again.

Ezekiel takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out. It's obvious Daryl wants to tell him something but he won't just blurt it out. Daryl cares about Carol enough to keep her secrets so it comes as a surprise that he's pushing so hard for Ezekiel to question him. Whatever it is must be very important.

"How does Carol fare?" Ezekiel finally asks.

Daryl almost looks relieved to finally be asked. He is a man Ezekiel hasn't quite figured out but has been forced to trust for Carol's sake. "She ain't doing good."

"Alexandria's not what she believed it would be?" He finds himself asking coldly.

What is wrong with him? He closes his eyes and slowly lets out a breath. "Forgive me. I should not have been so crass."

"I get it," Daryl assures him.

"What is wrong with Carol?" He asks quickly, not wanting to deal with any kind of pity that Daryl might be feeling. Seeing pity from him would break him yet again. He's trying to avoid anything that will send him spiraling out of control, anything that will end in him looking down at the abysm that would end with his death. He has been there, ready to throw his life away but he doesn't want to arrive at that point again.

"She ain't good. Struggling. Don't want to sleep, keeps herself awake with a kitchen timer."

As soon as Daryl mentions the timer, Ezekiel knows right away that her nightmares have come back. He's used to her not sleeping when she's had them; he's used to holding her as they both keep awake, whispering to her to try and help her forget whatever her nightmares have made her see. Eventually, they would drift off to sleep, far too exhausted. Now that he isn't there and she doesn't have someone to help her, she's desperately trying to remain awake.

"You must talk to her, help her forget what she's seen. Her nightmares are a crippling side-effects of the horrors she's been made to face ." Ezekiel offers. He knows Carol doesn't want him around, she's made it painfully obvious, but he still worries for her, still loves her, and if telling Daryl what he needs to do helps in any way, he will.

"She's hiding." Daryl bites his lip over and over as he continues explaining. "Coops up in her room. She doesn't eat unless I take food to her, don't come out unless she's trying to find Alpha."

Ezekiel's body reacts the moment he hears the woman's name. He feels red hot anger take hold of him, practically robbing him from his ability to breathe. There is still so much unprocessed and tapered angered where that woman is concerned but he refuses to feel it, refuses to give her any more of him or of his son. She has taken enough.

"She..." Daryl's voice fizzles out. There is an obvious worry in his eyes, in the way his hand raises so that he can bite the skin on top of his thumb. Whatever he has been about to say is obviously bad enough to have him questioning himself.

"She?"

Ezekiel remembers the last time he saw her; how thin she was, how she seemed to be almost sick with nausea even once she was off the boat, how she had been pale and feverish looking. He also knows of the sickness that seems to be spreading through Alexandria and how it has affected so many of its residents. A wave of worry slams into him and he takes a step closer to the man, ready to pull the truth out of him if he needs to. "Has she fallen ill?"

Daryl's eyes whip towards his. He knows he's hit the head of the nail. Carol is sick. With what, he doesn't know. He's not sure how bad it is but it obviously worries Daryl enough to break Carol's confidence.

"Yeah," Daryl ends up saying as he presses his lips together and nods. "Ain't what everyone else got, though."

"Then what is it?"

Whatever Daryl is about to tell him gets lost in the commotion created by a terribly worried Connie. Kelly hasn't come back with the group she left with and is asking them about her sister. Daryl's attention shifts immediately to her. Someone being lost takes precedence over the sick, especially someone who is related to the woman you love. Ezekiel doesn't fault him for shifting his attention. In fact, he understands the worry that washes over Daryl's face as he moves away without another word to him.

As he watches the small group comprised of Dog, Connie, Magna and Daryl leave, his thoughts shift once more towards Carol. She's sick. He's not sure with what she is sick but it goes far beyond her nightmares and grief which are already as bad as they can be. It obviously worries Daryl enough for him to break her confidence.

A rush of anxiety runs through him. He shouldn't have left all those months ago, he should have been steadfast and stubborn, he should have demanded answers. Perhaps if he had he wouldn't be in this state of confusion.

He needs answers and he cannot wait for Daryl to come back and give them to him.

Perhaps Siddiq will have more information to share.

—

"I've already told you; doctor-patient confidentiality prevents me from telling you anything."

"I am her husband." Ezekiel reminds Siddiq with a strong tone of voice, the kind of tone that should tell the young doctor that it is not a moment to test him.

Siddiq's eyes narrow as he studies him. He knows the doctor will question the validity of his words. Ezekiel is aware he knows of Carol and his separation, everyone in the communities knows it, but they aren't privy to the months they've shared at sea.

"You and Carol have patched things up?" The doctor asks him.

"That isn't your prerogative." Ezekiel quickly replies, bristling slightly at not receiving the information he so desperately seeks.

"I'll take that as a no. I can't tell you."

He can't help but let out a frustrated growl under his breath. It's been hours since he started trying to get information on Carol to no avail. Daryl has not come back so he can't ask the archer for the information he needs and Siddiq is holding on to confidentiality oath. He needs to know what's wrong with Carol because he knows his wife, he knows she will keep her ailments to herself and deny herself any help offered. She is stubborn and strong and if she's sick she needs someone who will calm her down, who will remind her to take things easy and not work herself to the bone. It's frustrating that no one allows him to be that person.

"Growling at me will not change a thing," Siddiq assures him. "You need to talk to her if you want to know what's going on."

"She will not speak to me."

He's not a hundred percent sure of it but he knows that if Carol had wanted to talk to him she would have done so already. He could get on a horse and ride to Alexandria but if she's too sick he doesn't want to be the reason her health turns to the worse. Knowing beforehand what is wrong with her could help him come up with a plan.

"Have you tried to talk to her?" The doctor turns towards him and leans back against the table he's just been using to clean his instruments. "Actually talk to her?"

"We talked before she made Alexandria her home. I boarded her boat and we sailed." He shakes his head, saddened that what he thought had been progress in their relationship had turned out to be nothing. "I believed we had worked in our relationship, come to an understanding that we would continue pursuing the love we've felt. I must have misunderstood."

"That explains it..."

Siddiq knows he's said too much by the expression that takes over his face. Ezekiel will not let the moment pass, not anymore, and he jumps straight into the opportunity to get any information pertaining to Carol.

"Explains what?" He question.

Siddiq shakes his head and tries to turn back to arranging his things but Ezekiel stops him by pressing a hand on his shoulder. "Explains what?" He repeats the question.

"No." The shake of the head he receives from Siddiq does nothing to tamper with his need to find answers.

"Siddiq, explains what?"

Before Siddiq can say anything or Ezekiel can ask yet again what was explained, a third voice spreads around the room.

"I got it, doc."

Ezekiel practically jumps out of his skin as he hears the much lower and gruffer voice that belongs to Daryl. He turns sharply towards it, his hand instinctively moving to unsheathe a weapon that no longer adorns his hands. The man is just like Carol, with the ability to sneak up on someone without being heard, and he hadn't been expecting him.

Daryl and Siddiq share a look that eventually has the doctor nodding and reaching for his bag where he places everything he's just cleaned. "I'll be ready whenever you are. Rosita is sick and I need to get back to check on her as soon as possible."

"Yeah. Won't take long." Daryl promises.

Ezekiel wants to crawl out of his skin as he waits for the younger doctor to leave before turning his attention once more to Daryl. Unlike earlier in the day, Daryl doesn't seem unsure or hesitant. On the contrary, he seems resolute in whatever he's about to do.

"You can tell her I told you. Don't care. She needs someone to care for her, someone she lets inside. We've all tried but it ain't us she needs." Daryl explains. "It's you."

"I just want to know what's wrong. I know something is, there is no concealing it from me any longer. Just tell me."

"She's making reckless decisions," Daryl starts explaining but this is something Ezekiel already knows because the man had told him about it earlier that day. He's not interested in repeated information.

"Carol is a smart woman..." he interrupts the archer but doesn't get far before Daryl is interrupting him as well.

"That don't matter when you've lost everything and all you got is anger. She ain't thinking straight, cain't think straight. She's sick but she won't stop."

"What ails her?" Ezekiel's tone has gone from confrontational to practically begging. He doesn't care though, doesn't care whatever Daryl or anyone else might think, he just wants to know what's wrong with his Carol.

"When she got to Alexandria she pretended nothing was wrong. I could hear her though, vomiting throughout the day then pretending nothing was the matter. She was sickly, pale, rail-thin but she still didn't eat proper and she didn't want to get checked."

This too is nothing new to him, except perhaps the vomiting though he fully expects it is a bi-product of the dizziness she seems to be experiencing. He stays quiet though because despite his frustration someone is actually talking to him now. He just needed to wait for Daryl to get on with it and spill everything he knows.

"Finally took her to Siddiq cause she fainted during a mission. We'd been out by the border. Alpha had called for us to tell us she was taking land instead of lives since we had crossed the border. Carol... she was reckless and almost got all of us killed. She fired at Alpha but Michonne managed to stop her. We took shelter in a school that night. We all thought she was hallucinating and what she claimed to see was all in her head cause she wasn't sleeping. She got into a trap and got hauled up to the ceiling, managed to kill all the walkers that come her way, was upside down for who knows how long."

"Did she get hurt?"

"Not that we could see but she wasn't waking up none either. We got her down, took her to Siddiq and he looked her over. Found nothing but defensive knife wounds. Got him to check her fully cause it wasn't right she wasn't waking. He thought she was exhausted. Turned out she was but she was…"

"It's exhaustion?" Ezekiel jumps at what he knows how to treat, he can't help his eagerness. "She's worked herself to exhaustion once before, after the savior war. But..." Ezekiel pauses as he tries to recall her symptoms that one time when he'd had to practically carry her to bed because her body was simply shutting down on her. She had been pale and bone-tired, which matched perfectly with what she was currently experiencing, but nausea had been non-existent at that time. After a good rest which lasted days and a food in her stomach, she'd slowly regained her strength and had been back to normal. "She never felt the need to vomit."

"It ain't exhaustion, at least not just that."

"Then what is it, Daryl? I do not appreciate the runaround, either speak your mind or move out of my way." He had to go see her, he just had to. He'd take his horse and ride tonight until he reached Alexandria. Once there, he'd figure out what to do, but he was definitively seeing her.

"I need to know ya'll go to her. If I tell ya, ya have to go to her. She needs you but she's too stubborn to admit it."

"If you hadn't notice, it isn't I that prefers to keep away."

"Ya didn't want to know about her." He must be staring at Daryl in confusion because the hunter takes a moment to explain. "In the morning, when I asked if you wanted to know, ya said ya didn't."

Ezekiel shakes his head slightly before raising his hands to cover his eyes, a movement born out of frustration. He's losing time talking with Daryl and he knows it. "I don't want you to pity the man who has lost everything while you play happy family with her."

"Happy family? What part of what I told ya sounds happy. Been babysitting her, making sure she don 't kill herself by being reckless. She's my best friend, not my wife. But I ain't what she needs. She needs ya."

"Then move out of my way so I can go to her."

He pushes himself forward, not caring to hear anything else the man has to say. He's made up his mind and he's going to her whether she wants to see him or not. A quick check to his hip tells him he is armed with a knife and that's really all he needs, that and his horse.

"She's pregnant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!!!


	4. Chapter 4: The Life Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezekiel confronts Carol about her hiding the existence of their baby, thinking she doesn't believe him capable of caring for their child. Not all is what it seems, though, and he's about to find out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Original characters are the property of the author.
> 
> NOTE: The order in which some events occur in the series are being changed to suit this story. Those changes can be seen starting in this chapter. I also couldn't help but include RJ and have him in a sweet scene with Carol and Ezekiel.

A Second Chance Chapter 4: The Life Within

They ride all night, Daryl on his bike, Siddiq on the wagon along with the rest of the Alexandrians, and Ezekiel on his horse. They go at a steady pace for the wagon but far too slow for the impatient father-to-be. It takes everything in him not to dig his ankles into his horse to ride faster. He wants to get to Alexandria as fast as possible, to see Carol, to talk to her and make sure she is all right. 

She is pregnant.

Carol is pregnant. How is that even possible?

When they’d started their relationship the thought of having a child was the furthest thing from their mind. They had Henry and their son was the most important thing in their lives other than each other. They were also a mature couple and Carol was going through the transition, or so they had thought. Perhaps what they thought was the end of her child-rearing days was something else, it certainly seemed so now. Either way, it hadn’t mattered because they were happy with what they had.

Now, when they have lost everything, it seemes that they were getting what they’d never considered having.

Yet, Daryl hadn’t seemed very optimistic and the fact that he continued mentioning that she wasn’t having the easiest time made Ezekiel worry that perhaps this chance -if it even was a chance- would be taken from them. 

The moment Alexandria’s gates appear on the horizon, Ezekiel knows he’s had enough. With a signal to his horse, he takes off, leaving Daryl and the group behind in a cloud of dust. His urgency to get to Carol is far greater than his prudence so he urges his horse to go faster. He will thank his steed later.

When the gates open to allow him in, he guides his horse to the nearest building from which Michonne is already coming out. No doubt someone radioed her in about their arrival and she’s come out to greet them. “Ezekiel! To what do we owe your visit?”

He slides off his horse with the ease of a practiced rider almost as soon as it has stopped galloping. “Carol, where is she?”

He catches Michonne off guard with his question but he has no time to stop and excuse his eagerness. “Ezekiel...” she starts in a warming tone.

“I just have to see her,” Ezekiel says as he starts towards the infirmary, the only place he can think he’ll find her since he knows she has been ill.

“There’s something you don’t know,” Michonne explains as he walks by her. She reaches out for him but he doesn’t stop. 

“I know. Daryl advised me about her current condition.”

He only manages to take a couple more steps before Michonne catches up to him and cuts into his path. Her hand presses against his chest effectively stopping his pressured walk. “Stop! You can’t just burst in there and expect her to be fine with it.”

“She’s preg...”

“Yes, she’s pregnant and she asked us to keep it under wraps. Only Daryl, Siddiq, Dante and I know about it. If you go marching in there all you’ll do is make her angry.” 

Michonne has a way of explaining things, a tone, and a cadence of delivering her words that calms him. She is right, he knows she is. Ezekiel takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. His shoulders end up slumping as all strength seems to rush out of him. He dips his head down, his heavy hair rushing forward to cascade in front of him. He needs to gather himself before he can even see Carol. 

The rumbling of the approaching motorcycle gets stronger and makes Ezekiel open his eyes. Daryl is looking at them concerned but he still takes his time to secure his bike before he starts moving towards them. “She still at the doc’s?” He asks Michonne.

“Yes. If she hasn’t managed to get past Dante.”

“Again?”

Ezekiel doesn’t need to know every detail to know that Carol has been trying to leave the infirmary. She’s never liked any sort of medical setting. Even back at The Kingdom she’d stay only as long as absolutely needed before trying to leave. The only time he had seen her remain at the infirmary without trying to skip it was when Henry had been extremely sick with food poisoning. She’d stayed by his side, holding his hand and helping him drink small sips of water for his whole stay. It had amused him when it happened and had prompted a conversation Carol hadn’t particularly wanted to have.

“She doesn’t like it there.” He inserts himself into Daryl and Michonne’s conversation. “It brings back memories of less pleasant times when Ed beat her within an inch of her life. The less amount of time she spends there, the better, trust me.”

“It’s the only place we’ve been able to keep an eye on her,” Michonne admits. “Whenever she is home she goes into a recluse mode and we barely see her unless she’s leaving to track Alpha.”

Ezekiel doesn’t want to stand around and talk any longer. He needs to see his wife. “As much as I enjoy this charade, I have come here to see Carol not to talk about her. If you’ll excuse me.”

He starts walking towards the building he recalls is the infirmary and is not surprised when he hears the fast-paced steps of the hunter coming after him. “You won’t halt my attempt to see her,” Ezekiel assures him.

Surprisingly, Daryl doesn’t try to stop him, doesn’t even try to cut his path. Instead, he catches up to him and matches his stride. “She ain’t gonna be happy I told ya.”

“I am aware.” Ezekiel isn’t dumb. He knows Carol will be angry, downright pissed off that he knows about her secret, about their child, but it is something he is prepared to deal with. 

“Just... get through to her.” He’s never heard Daryl beg before, in fact, he’s pretty sure this is the most he’s ever talked to the man, but the tone he uses shows how worried he is for his best friend.

When he reaches the infirmary, Ezekiel lets himself in. What greets him is not a calming sight in any way. The sick are scattered everywhere; feverish and moaning from their pain. He can’t help but look around, gathering the magnitude of the task both Siddiq and Dante are facing while looking at each face to find his Carol. When he’s unable to find her, he turns to look at Daryl who tilts his head in a signal to follow him.

Daryl guides him down a corridor with closed doors but doesn’t stop in front of any of them. Instead, he reaches a set of stairs and turns towards Ezekiel. “Wanted to keep her as far as possible from whatever is down there.”

“Pregnant women are far more susceptible to illnesses.” It makes sense that Carol would be kept upstairs as a preventive measure. He’d have done it if he’d been in charge.

Arguing can be heard coming from upstairs. He doesn’t recognize the male voice but he certainly recognizes the voice he is arguing with. Even muffled by distance and walls he can recognize Carol’s voice. 

“She’s all yours.” 

He’s not sure if that’s Daryl’s way of inviting him upstairs -or if its a warning- but he takes it as such. The corridor he arrives at is smaller, with only three doors, two of which are wide open. He walks right by them, uninterested in whatever is inside of those rooms. Ezekiel’s gaze is trained at the third door, the last one down the corridor, where he can hear the muffled voices coming from. 

As he approaches, the words become clearer. He can hear Carol battling as clear as day, being as stubborn as she has always been.

“I feel fine.”

“But you aren’t. Trust me.” The male voice informs her. “Your blood pressure is through the roof, you are running a low fever, and your morning sickness is the worst I’ve ever seen. You may think you are invincible but you aren’t, woman.”

“Then give me something for it and move out of my way.”

He can’t help but chuckle as he hears the impatience in her voice. It’s a low chuckle, one that he doesn’t think they can hear, but he’s proven wrong when the conversation halts behind the door. He has no time to prepare before the door is pulled wide open. A man he doesn’t recognize stares at him with a sneer on his face. He’s obviously at the end of his rope and very overwhelmed and Carol isn’t helping one bit. Ezekiel is very sure his appearance isn’t helping either.

“And you are?”

He takes a step into the room and quickly sweeps through it with his eyes. It’s a pretty standard bare room used for housing the sick, with a bed in the middle, a bedside table and a slightly larger table opposite to it. There is also a chair near the window, no doubt for the patient's family who eagerly awaits the release of their loved ones. Other than that, the room is as sterile as can be in the middle of the apocalypse.

He hadn’t expected to find Carol laying on the bed, that wasn’t his wife at all. Instead, he finds her near the second table where she is attempting to tighten a belt around her hips. To him, Carol looks pregnant despite the loose purple blouse she is wearing but that's only because he knows her well and he's privy to her secret. Anyone else would look at Carol and never guess that within her grows a new life.

As soon as she sees him her hands stop moving. She stares at him with wide eyes and mouth slightly open in disbelief. Her hair is half curled into a French knot and half hanging out as if it has unknotted in her attempt to tighten her belt. 

He takes a step towards her before a large hand presses against his chest. “I’m sorry you can’t be here.”

“I have to talk to Carol.”

“This is a private room. If you are sick you are gonna have to wait downstairs with everyone else.”

“I’m not ill, I wish to converse with my wife.” 

Whomever this Dante is, he seems shocked at the knowledge Ezekiel has just presented him with. He turns to look at Carol who has finally given up trying to tie the belt and is now pulling at her blouse in an attempt to hide the small swelling of her belly. 

“Wife? And here I thought I was making progress in putting you under my spell.” He hears Dante tell her.

Carol rolls her eyes at the man and lets out a short breath. She’s clearly not amused at his antics. 

“Fine, fine.” The doctor raises both of his hands in defeat before moving out of the room. “Don’t even think of leaving.” He throws a warning to Carol over his shoulder as he closes the door.

As soon as they are alone, Carol turns away from him, once more attempting to conceal what he already knows. “What are you doing here?” Her voice is cold, hard ice so thick that it's impossible to break and yet he doesn't back down. He can't back down. This is not going to be easy, Carol is not going to make it easy, but he has to do it; he’s done with standing on the sidelines and not fighting for his family, he’s done with doing what she wants when she wants it, his done losing everything he has. 

“I heard about your ailment.”

“I’m fine.” She deflects his words right away.

“You aren’t.” He replies immediately. “A blind man can see that you aren’t well.”

She turns to look at him with her hands on her hips. She’s pissed, he can see it right away, but she’s also pale and disheveled and losing her argument without even arguing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks in a soft broken tone as his eyes travel down her frame. She’s thin, too thin. There is no pregnancy glow on her, no thickness on her cheeks or in any other part of her body, in fact, if he didn’t know her body like the back of his hand he wouldn’t even guess that she’s pregnant. But he knows her, he knows her very well, and he can quickly detect the swelling of her breast as they prepare to nurse their child and the swelling of her belly despite it being far smaller than it should be, and despite Carol trying to hide it.

By his calculations, Carol should be around the sixth or seventh month. By the way she looks, Ezekiel wouldn’t guess she’s over four months along. Now he knows why Daryl is so worried for her.

“Because there is nothing to tell.” She moves away from the table. She only gets a couple of steps away before she appears to stumble. What little color she had left on her skin abandons her completely and prompts Ezekiel to rush to her side.

“I’m fine.” Carol insists but he’s already guiding her back into bed. As he helps her sit down she repeats her words once more. “I’m fine, Ezekiel.”

“Stubborn,” he mumbles under his breath before he pushes her shoulder back so that she will lay down. Carol fights him for a second but eventually relents and lays back. She quickly places an arm over her eyes and lets out a tired sigh.

Moving swiftly, Ezekiel takes the chair and drags it to her bedside before sitting down. He remains quiet and so does Carol. It’s awkward, perhaps even more than the last time he saw her, but he refuses to let that awkwardness fester between them.

“Carol? What have I done so wicked that you’ve chosen to punish me this way?” He finally asks. “To hide our child.”

“What makes you think it’s yours?” She whispers without moving a single muscle.

It stings to hear the words but he knows she's only said them as a way of self-defense. “The ring on your finger does.” 

She must have forgotten she is wearing it because she quickly pulls her hand away from her eyes and stares at the ring. Her other hand reaches for it, twirling it on her finger before both hands lower and frame her belly letting him see just how big she truly is. God, she’s so tiny.

“Who told you?” She questions. He must have taken too long to answer, having lost himself in the swell of her belly, because she quickly repeats. “Who told you?”

“What relevance does it have?” Ezekiel replies as he looks at her face once again. Her eyes are the bluest he has ever seen them but they are also the most pained. 

“I didn’t want you to find out. They shouldn’t have told you.”

“Daryl is worried about you. Worried enough to travel to Hilltop to tell me the news.”

“Figures it was him.” Carol shakes her head then closes her eyes and bites her lip. “He’s still pissed off at me.”

“Why didn’t you confide in me, Carol?” He asks once again. His voice breaks but he doesn’t attempt to conceal it. Carol should know how much this is affecting him.

Her jaw tightens before she opens her eyes and searches for his. Her eyes are full of steel and he instantly knows that what she’s about to say will be hard to hear. “Because it’s not going to last. It never does. She’s going to die just like Sophia, Mika, Lizzie, Sam, and Henry. She’s not meant to be, she never was. You didn’t need to know about her because you don’t...”

“I don’t what?” He challenges when her voice trails away. He doesn’t mean to make his voice so angry but it’s obvious that some anger resides in him. “I don’t what, Carol? I don’t deserve to be her father? I don’t deserve a second chance? I don’t know how to take care of our children? What, Carol?” 

“You don’t deserve to lose another child.” She finally snaps. Her voice bounces off the wall and right into his bones. It makes him vibrate, makes him ache. It makes him want to reach for her and prove to her that she’s wrong. 

It all makes sense now, in a twisted sort of way. As silence settles between them, he realizes why Carol hid her pregnancy. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to know, that she hated him or wanted to keep his child from him. She’s been afraid of what it will do to him if they lose this baby. 

“Is this why you’ve kept away?” Ezekiel asks her. His eyes once more move down her body and settle on her belly. It’s concealed by her blouse but even with that, he can see the movement of their baby. Their child is alive, his daughter is alive. “Is this why you came to land and pushed me away? Why you discarded everything we’d talked about and planned when we sailed on your boat?”

It takes her a second to answer and it feels like the longest period of time he’s ever lived before she finally whispers. “Yes.” 

“You have no way of knowing what the future holds Carol. You robbed me of months of her life.”

Carol twirls her ring nervously. She knows that what he is saying is true and that there is no going back, no giving him the experience of watching their baby growing within her. She’s robbed him of precious time.

“It’s not going to last, Ezekiel.” Her words tremble as they leave her mouth. A hand quickly leaves the base of her belly and he follows the movement until it reaches her face and she brushes a tear away. 

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” Carol insists. “From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew it wasn’t going to last.”

“How can you be so sure?” He demands.

“Because it’s me. She’s never going to survive because I’m her mother.” Carol brushes another tear away before she lets her head fall back against the prop up pillows. “Henry didn’t survive, what makes you think she will? I’m too old for this, I can barely keep anything down without it coming right back up, I’m anemic, I have high blood pressure and I’m the worst mother she could have been saddled with. She’s not going to make it.”

“Not if you keep going the way you are,” Ezekiel agrees with her. “Daryl told me all about you not sleeping, barely eating, sequestering yourself in your room, going out on reckless missions.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I don’t, you are right. What’s so significant out there that you are willing to endanger your life, Carol?” His voice is rising but he can’t help it. He’s confused and terrified that his child will die. He doesn’t even know his daughter, hasn’t even felt her, and yet he already loves her enough to lay down his life for her in a heartbeat. Carol’s actions have him thoroughly puzzled. “What matters so terribly that you are willing to risk the life of our daughter?”

“She is out there!” Carol finally explodes, her eyes bright with anger as she whips her head up to look straight at him. For the first time, he gets to see the anger, the monster she says she’s becoming. He doesn’t back down, doesn’t get intimidated by this side of his wife. She has always been protective and he knows that being unable to protect Henry has been the worst thing she could have gone through. He also doesn’t blame her, he hates Alpha with every fiber of his being as well. “As long as she is out there I will not stop. I cannot stop. That bitch needs to die! If I have to be the one to kill her I will do it.”

“And you will kill our daughter in the process.” He concludes brokenly in a whisper to her. 

He slumps back against the chair, his eyes moving away from hers and towards the bump that he aches to touch. He’s been a father all this time and he hasn’t known about it. Now that he does know, Carol is telling he cannot enjoy it because their baby isn’t meant to be.

“If she wasn’t meant to be, Carol, she wouldn’t have been sent to us.”

Carol shakes her head, her eyes already glistening with tears that she’s trying so hard to keep at bay. “She’s not going to survive, Ezekiel.”

“You don’t know that.” He argues though his voice is much softer this time. Carol is about to declare once more that she does know but he interrupts her before she can start. “You don’t and while you use every drop of your strength to renounce her existence you are losing precious time with her. I bet you haven’t even allowed yourself to love her.”

Carol instantly shakes her head. Her movement is so sharp that her loose hair flies around her face. “I can’t.”

“Have you touched her? Have you felt her moving inside of you? I know she can cause I’m seeing the movement.” He doesn’t give her a chance to deny what he already knows. “She’s alive inside of you, Carol.”

Carol brushes away tears with both of her trembling hands, her sobs making her chest rise and fall sharply. He knows she’s still hiding, both of them do, but he knows that he’s not going to just change her way of thinking in one visit, especially when it is an unannounced visit. He doesn’t plan to leave though, not until he knows his daughter is safe and Carol is in a better mental state. He’s also not going to deny himself the status of expectant father or stop lavishing his daughter with love.

He waits for a beat for both of their emotions to settle and for Carol’s tears to dry before hesitantly asking. “A daughter?”

Carol swallows and gives a tiny sniffle before nodding almost imperceptibly. “Yeah. She’s not going to...”

“Stop, Carol,” Ezekiel begs softly. “Even if she doesn’t live long, I want to enjoy my daughter for as long as she’s alive.”

Carol’s forehead wrinkles as she tries to fight his words. She bites her lip so strongly that he’s afraid she will break skin if she doesn’t stop. Without thinking, he reaches forward and gently presses the pad of his finger to her forehead to gently ease off the worry wrinkles that have settled on her skin. Carol doesn’t move away, in fact, she almost leans against his touch as if she’s craved it.

“May I?” He raises a hand, strong and healthy, and lets it hover above the gentle swell of her belly. He wants nothing more than to feel, to connect to his daughter, but he also respects her body and doesn’t want to touch her without her permission. Carol’s chin trembling is a sign that her heavily constructed barriers are breaking down, that she’s opening up just a tiny fraction for his love to slip through. He doesn’t take it as a sign that he’s allowed to touch though, not until she finally nods.

Slowly he lowers his hand. He’s reverent, loving and patient, watching Carol’s face intently for any sign that she’s not comfortable. The moment his hand settles on the swell two things happen; a single tear slides down Carol’s face and he feels a jerk underneath his hand.

His daughter is alive. He can feel her kicking and twisting. His hand practically covers half of Carol’s belly, telling him just how small their daughter is, but she’s still strong.

He already loves her more than anything.

“Tell me about her.”

Carol shakes her head in an attempt to separate herself from her emotions but it’s futile. She might not be ready to accept it, but Ezekiel can see that she’s losing the battle against the love she feels for this child, a love she’s tried to bury deep within to avoid being hurt when she’s taken away.

“Please Carol. Tell me about our daughter.”

A sob breaks forth. Finally, Carol has broken through her self-imposed barriers. He can see it plain as day in the way she relaxes fully, in the way she finally breathes a little better and the way her eyes seem to shine.

“She’s...34 weeks,” Carol starts explaining, pausing only when sobs seem to take over. “Moves a lot... all day... only stops when she’s... sleeping or after dinner... she gets hiccups if I eat anything sour. Loves sweets already... makes me crave chocolate all day.”

He grins at the information she provides, his fingers gently smoothing over her clothed skin. “Just like her mother. She’s gonna have a sweet tooth.”

Carol let’s out something between a sob and a chuckle. She’s smiling a little although the tears still seem to keep coming.

“Doesn’t like the checkups... punches like crazy.” Carol continues, her hand moving down to the bottom of her belly though she doesn’t quite cradle it fully. “She likes it when I read out loud, settles down a little.”

“You read to her?”

Carol shakes her head no. Her chin quivering even more. “Not to her. I noticed it, but I couldn't get my hopes up, so I just read anything I have nearby... out loud.”

He needs to know everything, that’s the only thing that keeps going through his mind; what his daughter likes, what she doesn’t like, what makes her calm down and what gets her active. He has to figure out a way to stay around to watch his daughter grow in case Carol doesn’t want him anymore. He wants to know every single piece of information Carol has been able to find out.

“How big is she? You... you look small.”

A blush spreads over Carol’s face but it isn’t the blush of receiving a compliment. By the way her eyes lower and her nostrils quiver with the onset of new tears, he knows it is the blush of shame.

“I don’t... I don’t know.” Carol admits to him. “I couldn’t look. When Siddiq would check, I couldn’t look. It just...”

Ezekiel moves his hand away from her belly to gently cover both of hers and gives them a squeeze. He understands what she’s trying to say. Carol has been so afraid that this baby would be ripped from her arms that she has tried to block everything. Not looking during testing was her way of not growing attached even though she certainly seems to know things about their daughter. He’s sure, without the shadow of a doubt, that despite her doing everything possible to not care she actually really loves their baby. Carol only needs to let herself feel that love.

“If it is all right with you, I shall ask Siddiq for an ultrasound. I need to see her, Carol and I think you do too.”

Carol takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out. He can see her mind working a mile an hour. He knows what she’s doing; thinking of a million and one things they could do instead of that test, trying so desperately to bring back her walls so that she doesn’t grow attached. She’s also failing at it and it’s painted on her face as clear as day.

“I can’t.” She finally decides. “I have many things to do.”

“Name them.” Ezekiel can’t help but challenge her. He has no doubt that there are many things she could be doing, but none are as important as getting to know their baby. “Name a single thing more important than her.”

Carol turns to look at him with a mixed expression, something between sadness and anger at not being able to shoot down his challenge. Eventually, she pulls her hands from underneath his and raises her eyebrow as she clenches her jaw. “I need to find Alpha. I need to make sure she is dead so she can’t hurt anyone else.” She declares. 

“We can do that after,” Ezekiel promises. “We can do it together. We’ll do whatever it takes, but we will also be thinking about our baby, we will be smart. No more prancing around recklessly. Please, Carol.” He knows that what he’s about to say is nothing short of manipulation, but he’s willing to do it and something tells him his son wouldn’t have minded. “Would Henry want you to hold this anger and let it fester within you? Would Henry have wanted his baby sister to suffer the consequences of such actions?”

Carol doesn’t answer the rhetorical question, instead, she challenges him. “You don’t know anything about Alpha. You don’t know where she is. You don’t know where her heard is. You don’t know how to fight her.”

“You are right. I don’t. You know all that.” He agrees with her. “We can work as a team Carol, I know we can. You and I will avenge our son’s death together. But first, we have to meet our daughter.”

It takes a couple of seconds but finally, Carol’s gaze moves away from his eyes and settles on her belly. A soft tiny nod is all she does but it’s more than enough for him. 

“Let me find Siddiq.” Ezekiel offers trying so hard to not overly grin with excitement. “Something tells me Dante is not the man for the job.”

It doesn't take him long to find Siddiq as he tends to the rest of the patients. After telling him what they need, he looks extremely surprised that Ezekiel is asking for a sonogram but is willing to perform it. Ezekiel doesn't waste a second and quickly returns to her side, afraid that in the short amount of time he's been gone she has managed to slip by undetected. Carol is visibly nervous but still takes his hand and goes with him to the room Siddiq kept the machine at. 

“Everything will be fine.” He whispers as he raises her hand to his lips and presses a kiss to it.

“And if it’s not?” She asks in the tiniest voice he’s ever heard from her. 

From the moment Ezekiel heard he was to be a father the only thing he wanted was to be at Carol’s side, to shower both her and their child with love, and gain his family back. He was full of positivity without once stopping to think of the possibility of something going wrong. Not even when he’d seen how bad she was did he stop to consider that something bad could happen. Somehow, it doesn’t make a difference; he’s still going to love Carol and he’s still going to love his daughter.

“Then we’ll deal with it.” He promises before pressing a second kiss to her hand. “Together.”

Siddiq comes quietly into the room and starts preparing the machine. His moves are practiced and fast which tells Ezekiel he’s used to silently checking their child and moving on. It tugs at his heart, especially when he hears Carol’s breathing quicken.

He turns to his wife and gives her a smile. “Everything shall be all right.” He promises.

“Can you raise your blouse?” Siddiq asks her with the warm smile that Ezekiel has always seen him wear. 

Carol nods and releases his hand. Her long fingers tremble as she pushes her blouse up and unbuttons de barely-holding-on button that keeps the ends of her jeans together. In a blink of an eye, her belly is revealed to him and it is the most precious thing he has ever seen. The swell almost looks like she has swallowed a small watermelon. A thin dark line has formed from her belly button, which has yet to pop out, and disappears somewhere further down. He can see that the stretch lines he had loved a hundred times before, those she had gained from Sophia’s birth all those years ago, were now joined by a couple of new ones. New lines for a new life.

“All right, it's going to be a little cold.” Siddiq warms Carol before squeezing the gel on her belly.

Carol immediately tenses in a way that tells him that her reaction has nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with her anxiety. 

“Hey,” Ezekiel whispers before reaching to turn her face towards his. “Everything shall be all right. I’ve got you. I’ve got both of you.”

Siddiq continues with his examination, pushing the Doppler around her belly to try and find their daughter. Ezekiel watches as her belly distends and recalls what Carol had told him about the baby not liking the examinations. “There she is.” He announces. 

Ezekiel turns to look towards the monitor but finds that Siddiq has already turned it away from them. He watches as the doctor continues his examination in silence, giving himself little nods before pulling the Doppler away. “She’s grown a little since I last saw her. She seems to be developing but is still underweight and still coming short of the size we want her to be at.” Siddiq starts explaining before he moves as if he’s preparing to push the machine back against the wall.

“Wait!” Ezekiel stops him, extending the hand Carol isn’t holding to in order to stop him. “We want to see... we need to see her.”

Siddiq’s eyes widen in surprise as he stares at Ezekiel. Slowly he turns to look at Carol and Ezekiel follows his line of sight. Carol is breathing fast and her hold on his hand tightens painfully. He doesn’t want to say anything, doesn’t want to push her more than he already has. This last step has to be her decision and hers alone.

A set of mismatched tears fall from her eyes when she finally nods.

“Oh... all right.... sure we can do that.” Siddiq stammers, completely surprised that Carol has agreed. “Let’s look at this princess once more.”

He carefully turns the black screen towards Carol and Ezekiel before reaching for the wand. Carol instantly turns her face away, her movement catching Ezekiel’s attention. Her eyes immediately feel with tears and her grip on his hand becomes painfully tight. He’s very sure that he will have crescent moon marks left behind by her nails. 

“I can’t do this.” She whispers as she starts shaking her head.

“I believe you can,” Ezekiel urges her with a tender voice, dipping his head close enough to hers so that he can look into her watery eyes. “You are strong Carol, and you know you love her. You just have to show it to her, babe.”

“She’s gonna die, Ezekiel.” Carol insists without turning towards the screen.

Not knowing how else to reassure her, Ezekiel turns towards Siddiq. He knows he’s silently pleading, begging him to reassure Carol and to not break her heart. “What do you say, doctor, is our little princess going to die?”

Siddiq immediately shakes his head. “Not if I can help it.” He swears. “Carol, I am sorry if I’ve given you the impression that she’s going to die. Yes, she’s underweight and her length is not ideal, but she’s very much developing and she’s strong. We just have to make sure mama gets healthier and eats better.”

“See, Carol?” Ezekiel immediately turns to his wife who is looking at Siddiq from the corner of her eye. There is disbelief etched in her expression as if she thinks Siddiq is just telling her this to appease him. “She’s going to be fine, my love.” He whispers near her ear. He sweeps his thumb back and forth over her knuckles before bringing her hand up to his lips for a kiss.

“May I?” Siddiq asks as he holds up the wand. Carol looks at it with fear but eventually nods. She tenses once more as it makes contact with her belly. “Relax, Carol,” Siddiq instructs her.

The screen continues to be black with random grey lines as he works the wand against her belly. Finally, a figure starts appearing. “There she is.” Siddiq declares.

He can see the distinct profile of his daughter’s face. The dome of her head, the curve of her nose and her chin. There’s something near her mouth but he can’t quite figure it out. As Siddiq pulls the image away he can clearly see her arm, her spine, her curled body and a tiny set of feet that kick furiously to protest the examination. 

“See, Mama?” Siddiq asks Carol who stares transfixed at the screen. Ezekiel is not sure if she can actually see much with the number of tears that come from her eyes, but she nods nonetheless. “She’s developing just right, she’s only a little smaller than we’d like, that’s it. Do you want to hear her heartbeat?”

Ezekiel finds himself nodding right away. A quick look at Carol shows that she too is nodding, though much softer and hesitant than him. Siddiq grins and touches a button. A far away thumping and whomping sound fills the room. He knows it’s his daughter’s heartbeat despite never having heard a baby’s heart before. 

The reaction on Carol is instantaneous. A half-sob half-laugh instantly gets caught in her throat as she tries to breathe. More tears seem to slide down her face though this time she’s wiping them off with her free hand. The hand he holds relaxes its grip and he feels and sees her fully relax on the bed. 

“We can try the 3D option if I can find it.” Siddiq offers though he’s already looking for it. 

When the screen finally switches from the black and grey to the orange and brown of a 3D scan, Ezekiel realizes what it was that he was seeing near her mouth. She’s sucking her thumb. His little girl is sucking her thumb even as she furiously kicks. He feels a tightening in his chest as it bursts with love and happiness, its just too much emotion for it to contain. He leans forward, trying to catch every single detail of her, to memorize it, to imprint it in his very soul. He never thought he’d be able to be a father again, not after Benjamin and Henry, but she is here and she is proving every single one of his thoughts incorrect.

“She’s sucking... her thumb,” Carol says between sobs.

Ezekiel grins, turning to look at her for a second before returning his gaze to the screen. “She has your features. Her nose is as gorgeous of yours.”

“As you can see, she is developing just fine. She’s just small. We can work on getting her everything she needs to grow more. Have you been taking the prenatal vitamins I gave you?” Carol nods right away once again convincing Ezekiel that despite all she had pretended not to be attached, deep inside of her she already loved this baby as much as he does. More than he does.

“Then we’ll keep monitoring her, making sure she’s growing.” Siddiq offers. “Other than that, her heart sounds good and I see no developmental issues as of right now. It’s Mama that has me worried.”

That catches Ezekiel’s attention right away. He looks away from the screen and locks eyes with Siddiq. “I heard she had high blood pressure and was anemic. Tell me what to do to make her better and I’ll make sure it’s done.”

“She needs rest, a lot of rest. No more skipping sleep. I can give you some herbs to help you sleep better. I can also give you something for the nausea and you can make her cinnamon tea, that helps as well.”

“Consider it done,” Ezekiel assures him.

Siddiq turns off the sonogram machine and pushes it away from the bed. On his way back he grabs a towel and starts cleaning off her belly. “She also needs a good diet. I’m well aware you’ve skipped meals, Carol. You cannot do that anymore.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” Carol quickly defends herself. “I just... I would forget.”

“Well, you can’t forget anymore, not if we want this little princess to grow.” 

“Anything else doctor?” 

Siddiq turns to look at Ezekiel and then at Carol. He gives them a crooked smile, something between sadness of their situation and happiness to see them back together. “Enjoy it.” He tells them with a shrug. “Enjoy the pregnancy, feel happy, allow yourself to plan for the future. A happy healthy mama means a happy healthy baby.”

Ezekiel knows it will not be easy, especially with Carol’s need to enact vengeance for the death of their son, but he will do everything in his power to help Carol and their daughter. Being there, urging her to enjoy their baby, and to take better care of herself is all he can truly do and he doesn’t plan to do it half-heartedly.

With the doctor’s release from the infirmary, Carol and Ezekiel slowly make their way towards Michonne’s home, where Carol has been staying. They walk slowly, with Carol leaning against him and with his arm around her waist. He notices her hand is on her belly, just underneath the swell, but he says nothing for he fears that mentioning it will surely cause her to stop enjoying whatever she’s feeling.

They are silent until they reach the end of the stairs that reach Michonne’s front door. “Should I carry you?”

Carol huffs and shakes her head. “I’m not an invalid. I can walk up the stairs just fine.”

“I know you can, but I also know I can carry you if you so desire.” He promises before flashing her a smile. 

Carol turns to him and rolls her eyes before starting her move up the stairs. She’s always been nimble on her feet and this time it’s no different. Ezekiel knows it’s because of her small belly. If she were a normal size he’s very sure that she would have asked for help. 

No sooner have they reach the top of the stairs that the door bursts open and out comes a tiny flash of red and green that runs between them. It’s a small boy, no bigger than six. He stops dead in his tracks before turning to look at the adults he just breezed by. This is definitively Rick and Michonne’s son; he can see the man painted in the boys' features, mixed with his mother’s. For second Ezekiel wonders if their daughter will favor Carol more or if she’ll end up being a mixture of both of them. At least he knows his baby’s nose is definitively his wife’s.

Wide-eyed, the boy looks him up and down before eyeing him carefully. “Are you the King?” He asks before remembering his manners and repeating. “Hi, are you the King?”

Ezekiel gives Carol a quick look before returning his gaze to the boy. “I believe I am. Whom do I have the pleasure of conversing with?”

“RJ.” The little boy replies. “Rick Junior. I’m named after my daddy.”

Ezekiel grins for he already knew as much. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He extends a hand that RJ quickly shakes.

“Are you here to take care of Aunty Carol?” 

Carol quickly shakes her head as she says the boy's name. “Aunty Carol doesn’t need anyone taking care of her.” She reminds RJ.

The boy doesn’t seem too convinced. He leans forward towards Ezekiel, places a hand near his mouth, then proceeds to tell on her. “I’ve heard her at night. She cries a lot. She’s sick a lot. Judith says her tummy hurts and that’s why she pukes everywhere, like when I got the stomach flu and got sick all over Mama.”

“Does she?” Ezekiel asks. He doesn’t turn to look at Carol because there is no point to it. Both of them know she’s had a tough time and while she definitively doesn’t need anyone to watch over her, he wants to be there to offer her support for as long as she’ll let him.

“Yes,” RJ declares. “I don’t like it when my Aunty Carol is sad.”

“Then we’ll just have to make sure she doesn’t get gloomy. We’ll figure it out, fear not”

With the promise that someone would look after his beloved Aunty, RJ rushes down the stairs, ready to go wherever he had been heading before he’d encountered the King. Besides him, Carol doesn’t wait before entering the home. Not wanting to stand outside by himself, Ezekiel follows her. 

The house is as homey as it can be; it’s lived in but not dirty, it’s obvious that two little kids live in there and that a dog sometimes visits. Other than that, everything is kept in place. Carol instantly starts up the stairs so Ezekiel follows silently behind. She doesn’t stop in the second story, instead, she turns and starts up another flight of stairs, this time narrower. He’s pretty sure they lead up to an attic style room.

“Watch your step.” Carol advices as they reach the bend where the stairs are even narrower. There is only a couple of steps left then a small stretch of floor to walk on before a door stands in front of them.

“Is it safe to assume this is where you’ve been keeping to yourself?” He asks. His tone is not a judging one and he’s sure to make it soft and understanding, but he is worried. It’s a lot of stairs for a pregnant woman, even one carrying a small child. The fact that it’s all the way away from the rest of the house also worries him because he knows she will isolate herself as much as she can. For someone who is naturally a loner, this wouldn’t be an issue, but his wife isn’t one. She’s a nurturer, a caregiver, someone who will go above and beyond for those she loves. The self-imposed isolation is a way to punish herself and he is well aware of it.

“It’s not a Kingdom, but welcome to my place.” She opens the door and makes her way inside, stepping to the side to allow Ezekiel through.

The room is cold and it goes far beyond the temperature its kept in. It’s bare, keeping only the necessities nearby. Her bed is neatly made though the imprint on it suggests she has been sleeping over the covers. As Daryl told him, a timer stands on her bedside table along with an open book. There is a small kitchenette that allows her to prepare her food in her room if she so desires, once more proving that she’s been keeping to herself even during meals. Her bow is leaning against the window, her quiver and arrows against the wall beside it.

This is her sanctuary; where she can let the mask slide off, where she can cry and be sick without others pitying her, where she can stop pretending she’s fine. As soon as the door closes he notices a change in her and practically feels all the weight of the day rush up to her and leave her exhausted. 

“Careful, careful,” Ezekiel says as he rushes to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and guiding her to the bed where she quickly sits down. “I think you need to rest.”

“I can’t... I think I’ve found the place where Alpha has her whisperers gather the walkers before taking them to her hoard. I have to go keep watch on it.”

“No, you have to lay down and rest.”

“Ezekiel...” her tone has turned from exhausted to pissed off but he will not relent.

“No Carol. You heard Siddiq; you must rest for her sake. Your body needs it. Our daughter requires it. Sleep is what you shall do.” He orders.

He has never ordered her to do anything, not once in their six years of marriage and the eight they’ve known each other. He hates doing it and he hates knowing he’s surprised her enough to stare at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. He has to do it though, this is far more important, their daughter is far more important.

“Forgive me,” he whispers as he hangs his head in shame. “My words were coarse but my meaning is true, Carol. Our daughter needs you to rest so she can grow, your body needs you to relax so it can provide for our Princess.”

“I know.” He hears her whisper. “I know.”

“May I?” He asks as he moves towards the bed. When Carol nods he reaches for the blankets and pulls them off the bed. He waits for Carol to get up from the end of the bed and move towards the opened spot where he is already warming the sheets with his hand by passing it over the material back and forth. She sits on the edge of the bed before attempting to untie her boots but the swell of her belly makes it hard, despite its small size. He finds it eternally cute but he refrains from saying so. Instead he moves in front of her, kneels down and starts untying her bootlaces. When he is done he gently guides off the boots from her feet. They are swollen enough for him to notice but again he says nothing. With Carol twisting and leaning back to lay down, Ezekiel guides her feet into the blankets then covers her up. He sits on the edge, trapping her under the covers by sitting on top of the blanket’s edge. “Close your eyes.” He begs.

“It’s not that easy,” Carol admits as she looks up at the ceiling. Her eyes are already watering, a hot tear falling down her eye and over her temple to lose itself in her hair. With the back of his index finger he brushes away its track tenderly.

“I know.” He truly does; he knows about the nightmares, about the guilt, about the pain of seeing Henry in their dreams. He knows why she doesn’t want to sleep but he also knows why she needs to do it. “I’m going to be here. Not going to depart from your side. You can try and rest and I’ll have your back. I’ll wake you if your nightmares arise.”

Carol shakes her head, her eyes traveling away from the ceiling to find his. “You don’t have to. You don’t have to babysit me. You don’t have to stay in Alexandria to take care of me. You can leave, go back to Hilltop if you want.”

He looks away, unable to bear to look at her for fear of the answer to the question he’s about to deliver. He twirls his fingers against each other, one of them still wet from her tears. “Would you wish me to leave?”

She is silent for the longest time. He’s almost sure that she’s going to say that she does want him to go and that the sooner he leaves the better. It pains him because he wants to see his daughter grow but he’s willing to compromise and at least leave her space. He’ll talk to Michonne to see if there is a room he can stay at in her home or in another one of the community’s buildings 

“I don’t want you to feel you have to stay.” Carol finally answers. “I’ve never wanted that. Not even at the boat.”

“Rest assured, I have never felt that way.” He promises when he finally turns to look at her again. “I’ve always wanted to stay. I’ve always wanted to be near you. Even after you arrived at the dock and turned my world upside down.”

“I’m sorry,” She whimpers. “I... I was unfair to you, not to mention rude. I knew I was pregnant, I didn’t need any fancy test to know it, and I was terrified. I needed to keep you away from the ticking time bomb.”

“Did you just refer to our Princess as a bomb?” He asks incredulously with a hint of teasing.

Carol smirks and raises a hand to brush away more tear tracks. This time her hand moves to rest back against the swell of her belly. Her movement is almost imperceptible, but he catches her thumb gently smoothing back and forth. “That’s what she has felt like. I just didn’t want you to get hurt when she eventually....”

“But she didn’t. She’s still here and I already love her. I love her as much as I love her mother.” He places a hand on her belly, right on top of hers. Gently, he squeezes her fingers to reassure her. 

“I love her too.” Carol finally admits.

He grins at her, unable to keep the happiness from simply coursing through his veins. “And yet we smile.” He whispers.

Ezekiel leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead before tucking her in properly. “Sleep. I’ll sit nearby, I promise. At the first sign of a nightmare and I shall arouse you.”

He observes Carol biting her lip as if she’s trying to keep something in. He can see the indecision in her face, can practically see her thoughts displayed on her eyes and forehead. “What is it?” He asks softly.

“Can... Can you stay? Can you hold me?”

He’s surprised, he won’t deny it, but he quickly nods. He works fast at removing his boots, which are followed by his coat, before slipping into the bed. Carol turns to her side and curls against him, tucking her head against his chest and rooting until she’s practically attached herself to his side. This allows him to feel the kicking done by his daughter which once more makes him break into a grin.

“She always does that,” Carol admits, her voice already sleepy and droopy. “Right when I lay down she kicks up a storm.”

“Is that the book you are ready to her?” He asks as he notes the book on her table once again. She nods against his chest so he reaches for it without moving her much. “The Art of Scavenging?” He asks. It’s not the book he’d guess she’d be reading to their baby, not by far.

“It’s what I could find.” She admits. 

“Then it’s what I shall read.” He promises. “Now sleep. The Princess and I will guard your slumber.”

He can tell her eyes are already closed just by the way she’s breathing. Sleep is quickly claiming her and he isn’t going to stop it. He knows the cadence in his voice will end the job so he cracks the book open to where she has marked it.

He’s not a fool, he knows there’s still so much they have to fix and work at, especially things dealing with her health and the health of their child. However, knowing that Carol is allowing herself to love their baby and actually wants him close, gives him enough hope to work on whatever needs to be done to keep his family together and alive. That hope is enough for him.

He presses a kiss to the top of Carol’s head before masterfully hovering the book in front of him. “Chapter 7; Dangerous Mushrooms to steer away from...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter for this baby! What have you guys thought so far?   
Do you think the baby will survive?


	5. Chapter 5: The Hope Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alpha's end must come before the Princess arrives, there is no other option if they are to keep the hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economic/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> \--
> 
> This is the end of this story; it has been a ride full of tears and hope and sometimes a chuckle or two. I hope you guys enjoy. While this does follow some canon events, the order of said events has been adapted to better fit the story. I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Original characters are the property of the author.

A Second Chance Chapter 5: The Hope Within

* * *

Life at Alexandria has been easy to adapt to. Despite having to temporarily say goodbye to his people, Ezekiel doesn’t regret his decision. He still takes trips to the neighboring community and keeps tabs with Jerry daily through the radio about the ins and outs of daily life of his people, but his priority is Carol and his daughter.

When he’d gotten here, Carol was in a whirlwind of anger, pain, and grief which was all manifesting through vomiting, headaches, dizzy spells and the occasional case of the shakes. She had been thin and had only appeared pregnant because of the baby’s growth and her body’s refusal to give up. It took every ounce of nutrients and funneled it through to their child and the milk that would eventually feed their baby. Now, though she still could be better, there is a distinct change; her cheeks are plump, her hips have widened, her thighs have thickened and the dullness she’d carried had been replaced by a sense of health. Her dizziness was treated through teas, enough that it has mostly gone, and with Ezekiel urging her to sleep and eat more, her headaches have dissipated. Their baby has also grown, not enough to be considered at a normal baby weight, but enough to be within the bracket of her developmental stage.

Their future seems a tiny bit happier and secure.

Carol and Ezekiel, however, still carry the pain and grief of having lost Henry. While Carol still has a mind for revenge, for making sure that Alpha can't hurt anyone else, he serves as a sounding board instead of her just running off to take care of things. When the sadness threatens to overcome Ezekiel, Carol is there to hold on to and ease his suffering through gentle words and tender caresses. It isn't perfect but it is a balance that they so desperately need.

“Alpha needs to be gone before our baby gets here,” Carol whispers to him.

They’d promised to always talk to each other so every morning and every night before they went about their day or found sleep, Carol and Ezekiel will lay in bed and simply talk. If one of them has some type of plan, whether it is a new strategy to bring down their enemy or something to do with their baby’s future living space, they’ll discuss it.

Today, like many mornings, Ezekiel holds his wife close to him, spooning her from behind. His hand sweeps back and forth against her much bigger belly while occasionally pressing gentle kisses to her shoulder and neck. There is no space between them for Carol always roots back against him, laying her head on his bent arm. Her hand lays on top of his over her belly, moving along with his movements, her wedding ring shining in the morning light that filters through the window and occasionally tapping against his black wedding band.

“I agree,” Ezekiel whispers as he pulls her towards him even though there is absolutely no space left between them. “Our child grows stronger every day, as do you, my love. But your time is drawing closer and I’m afraid that if you go out again things might go awry.”

“I’m slowing down,” Carol admits. She turns to look over her shoulder at him with eyes glistened by tears. He knows that her body is begging her to lay low, to take care of the child she still has in her belly, but the guilt of not being able to enact justice for their son is playing with her mind and hormones. “I can’t... she’s going to get away with it.”

Leaning on his elbow, Ezekiel pushes himself so that his face hovers slightly above hers. “She will not. We will not allow her to live without paying for her sins.”

“How? Everyone wants to lay low, to go by her rules. I get that they have a family to protect, but what about us? What about our son?”

“Then let me take your place on the battlefield. Let me be the one to bring you her head.” He knows his words are gruesome but he’d rather go out and deal with that woman than have Carol putting her life on the line in the state she is.

“No!” Carol turns her whole body so that she’s lying on her back but she doesn’t last long before wincing and rolling once more so that she’s facing him, their daughter snuggled between them. The tears are gone from her eyes, replaced by fear for his well being. “You can’t do that. It will... it will tear you apart.”

“Losing Henry already has.” He admits to her. “If I were to lose you and our Princess, I would surely perish.”

She closes her blue eyes and sighs painfully. To ease her pain, he presses a kiss to her forehead before once again gathering her as close as he can. Already he feels their daughter waking from her sleep, stirring in her mother’s belly, no doubt reacting to the situation. He aches to reach and reassure their little one that everything is all right and that neither she nor her mother is in danger. Carol beats him to it, though, cradling her belly with her hand, her thumb moving back and forth over the very top of the swell.

They remain quiet. He takes a moment to simply observe her. How he wishes he could take away the sadness in her eyes, erase the worry from her features. If he had the power he’d take it all with a snap of his fingers, but he doesn’t have that ability and all he can do is simply hold her and be there to remind her of his love and his support, so he does just that and presses a kiss to her forehead. He knows the moment a thought comes into her mind because she stiffens, her breathing coming in a little harder, her eyes fluttering all over his face. “What is it, my love?”

“Negan.” That is her only reply before she’s pulling away from his embrace and moving to sit lotus style on the end of the bed instead of laying down. The position must be comfortable because both of her hands instantly go to her belly, traveling the expense as she continues to be deep in thought.

“Negan? What does that monster have to do with Alpha?” He can’t quite piece together what she’s thinking of, having lost some information that only her mind is privy too.

“Nothing,” she replies. “And everything.”

Joining her in a sitting position, Ezekiel presses a hand to Carol’s to still it’s circular motion on her belly. “Tell me what you are thinking.”

Carol closes her eyes, her breathing becoming a little bit stronger as she prepares to tell him what is going through her mind. “Alpha doesn’t know Negan. He’s been in that cell for years, far longer than our beef with them. He could infiltrate them and bring her down from within.”

He knows she’s desperate; both to protect their daughter and to avenge their son. He knows that desperation calls for crazy measures and robs you of the very oxygen that allows you to make clear decisions. And yet this somehow makes sense. It is a crazy idea, in every sense of the word, but it’s also an intelligent one; infiltrate her ranks, gain her trust, strike when she least expects it. Carol cannot go out anymore, not without seriously risking the life she carries. While he has offered to take her place, he is also aware that he does not have her experience in tracking or her ability to handle weapons to their most lethal capability. Having Negan go in and do the dirty work might just end up working.

They only have to get two people on board; Daryl who is the leader de facto while Michonne is gone, and Negan whom he has a hard time trusting as far as he can throw him.

“Carol. This is Negan we speak about. The ungodly man that murdered your friends and my people in cold blood.” Ezekiel knows he’s risking making her mad at him but he also has to bring some reason into this plan, as much as it pains him to be the realist. “How do we know we can place our trust in him and he won’t take advantage of the situation?”

Carol looks straight at him, her eyes begging for him to side with her, to see that her plan might just work if they have faith in it. It is a huge risk and he can see that she’s aware of all that it might bring, all that it entails.

“We don’t.” She admits sadly. “We don’t know. It’s a risk we’ll have to take.”

“And if it ends up being a risk that is too costly to pay?” He questions. “If we end up having to battle against two foes instead of one?”

He sees the uncertainty in Carol’s face, sees the pain this is causing her, the flicker of indecision as she battles herself. He’s never seen her this unsure before, not even when she’d just arrived at Kingdom and he’d offered her the chance to go and not go. It’s there for only a second before she hardens herself, her eyes growing as hard a steal and she raises the walls she has built for moments such as this. Where he once would have thought this meant she was distancing herself, he knows better now. She’s preparing herself for loss, she’s preparing herself for a fight with whomever she has to fight with. This Carol he knows, this Carol he has seen before. This is part of what had made him fall in love with her; her ability to know what needs to be done and doing it.

“We’ve beat Negan before, we can do it again.” She reminds him.

He does remember. He remembers keenly how they had been about to be murdered had it not been for Eugene’s little plan. He remembers the panic he’d felt to realize his people, the woman he was starting to fall in love with, was in danger. He remembers how he’d been ready to jump in front of Carol and give his life for hers.

“Carol, I believe it’s too risky.”

Carol closes her eyes and physically pulls away from him. He knows she’s doing it from her fear of losing the battle with Alpha and not because she’s mad at him. Ezekiel cannot let her pull away for he knows that there is a fine line between Carol’s ability to focus on the task of hand and her self-destructing by letting her plan consume her. He cannot let her go down that path again.

“Hey,” he whispers, reaching up to cup her neck. He gently caresses her cheek with the end of his thumb before he pulls their heads together so their foreheads touch. “I’m right here, Carol. I’m not saying the plan will not work, or that I do not stand by your side, just that it’s not solid enough for us to pursue it in its current state. We will work on it, present it to Daryl, see what he thinks, all right?”

He feels and sees Carol give a tiny nod before she lets out a long sigh. Beneath their hands, he can feel their baby moving almost wildly. He likes to think that this is her way of agreeing with him, of telling Carol that she too thinks they have to plan and approach the situation from every angle before deciding if it’s something they should do. “See, she’s agreeing with me.”

Carol’s sadness seems to disappear for a second as she chuckles and pulls away from him to find her place laying back in bed, an exaggerated roll of the eyes accompanying her expression. “You always think she’s agreeing with you.”

“Not always,” he banters back as he follows her movement. He once more lays beside her with his hand finding its place on her hip before sliding to press to the side of her belly. “Only when I’m right.”

“Shut up.” Carol playfully commands before sinking once again into his embrace. When she pushes her head back it’s only so that he can look into her blue eyes. “It’s going to work, Ezekiel. It has to.”

“If it doesn’t we shall find another way,” Ezekiel promises. He presses a kiss to her soft lips before she fully buries herself against him once again. "Alpha will pay for her sins, for taking our Henry away. She will not hurt you or our Princess. I will not allow it.”

Carol’s hand joins his over her belly. She clutches at his fingers as their child kicks again. He knows there’s so much she wants to say, he can feel it in the way she tightens her hold on his hand. “Promise me you’ll come back to me.” She finally whispers.

He knows she’s crying just by the way her voice trembles. His heart aches for her, for them, for their children. He’s as afraid of losing her as she is of losing him. He knows that while he is gone she will feel the terror of not knowing if the one you love is safe, just like he had felt it all those months she was away from his side. If thoughts could will someone to disappear, Alpha and hers would be nothing but dust in the wind, dealt with and forgotten and he wouldn’t have to take Carol’s place in the front line.

“Nothing but death itself would prevent me from returning to your side.” He knows his words aren’t exactly what she wants to hear but it is what he can offer her. “I will fight my way through every foe to return to your side, to be able to embrace you once again and tell you how much I love you. I will never surrender to anyone but you and our Princess. This you can count on, my beloved Queen.”

He hears Carol sniffle before he buries his face against her platinum hair. Her scent takes over his senses, further reassuring him that he would fight anything to come back to her. “I’m holding you to that promise, Ezekiel. I can’t... I can’t do this without you.”

He knows she’s referring to raising their child, to being the Queen their people at Hilltop so desperately need, but he disagrees with her. He knows she’s strong, he knows she’s a natural-born leader, he knows that if anyone can pull through this it is her. “You are wrong, my love. You could do it; you could raise her to be strong, to know love and to know what’s wrong and what’s right, to love and help those that need her help. I know it is within you, but you won’t have to, because I will be right by your side. That I promise.”

And it is a promise he intends to keep, no matter what.

—

“Are you out of yer mind, Carol?!”

They’d spent all morning thinking of her plan, making sure it was ironclad, before presenting it to Daryl as a united front but it was obviously not going well. The plan is simple; give Negan something in return for his help, something he really wants. Negan is someone who knows how to think like Alpha, knows how to be the worst humanity has to offer, but he is also someone who has been locked away for years, who has had everything taken from him and who deeply desires to somehow belong. In return for his help with Alpha, Negan will receive freedom and protection; he will be allowed to leave the cell, he will be a productive member of society and hold a position within the framework that makes Alexandria work day by day, but most importantly, he won’t have to return to that cell. If he helps them take down Alpha he will be given a room for himself as far away from the cell as he wishes it to be.

“You want to have that asshole roaming around our home? Having access to everyone? Want him to have a chance to kill more of us?” Daryl exclaims, his face growing red as he paces back and forth in front of her. “Want him to have access to Judith and RJ? I know ye’ve stopped caring if you live or you die, but this is the worst you’ve considered!”

Ezekiel rarely ever gets as protective of Carol as to put himself between her and whomever she’s verbally sparring with. He knows Carol is capable of defending herself and prefers to fight her own fights so he’s always let her, favoring to take a step back and watch her work her magic. Only once had he had to get stern with someone and he only did it because he knew Carol would never be able to be mad at Henry despite his lack of manners. They’d both raise him differently and Henry had understood and apologized later.

Now he finds himself between Daryl, angry and confused as ever, and his wife because he knows Daryl holds a soft spot in Carol’s heart. He is her best friend and she’s almost incapable of staying mad at him. He doesn’t think Daryl would ever hurt Carol, not willingly, but Daryl needs to understand that he is not getting any closer to Carol in the state he is, even if he has to physically fight the hunter.

The movement is enough for Daryl to understand and Ezekiel watches him take a step back, practically deflating. “You’d think I’d hurt her?” Daryl stammers.

“No, I do not believe so,” Ezekiel assures him all the while keeping the strength behind his stance. “But Carol isn’t alone in this. I stand by her. This plan will work.”

Daryl sends Carol a look over Ezekiel’s shoulder, a look that tells her he still thinks they are crazy. “How? How do you plan to trust that murderer?”

“That’s where you are wrong. I don’t intend to trust him, I intend to use him.” Carol explains. Her words, though cold, have the desired effect on Daryl. He looks confused for a moment, trying to understand what Carol is saying and coming up short.

“Use him?”

“Yes. If there is one thing Negan wants is to be free. He hates being in that cell all day and he hates having to go back to it when Michonne lets him come out. So we negotiate; his help in return for some freedom, guarded freedom.”

“A guard of our utmost trust shadows him throughout the day, relieved only by a second guard that we appoint which stands by Negan’s room through the night.”

“During the day he can do whatever you want him to do; plant crops, chop wood, deal with walkers, I don’t care.” Carol continues. “As long as he gets to feel that freedom, even if it’s guarded.”

Daryl scratches his beard. He’s starting to see how it might work and that’s all that Carol needs to continue. “We trade that freedom for his help bringing Alpha down...”

“And if he doesn’t do it?” Daryl interrupts Carol. “If the bastard ends up joining her? Or taking over her?”

“I hardly think Alpha will let him take over.”

Ezekiel has to agree with Carol. There is no way that a woman who calls herself ‘Alpha’ and who is apparently ruthless even to her own people to the point of killing those that even dare speak against her, would let a man like Negan take over. Perhaps she’d make him her second in command, but a leader never.

“She don’t need to. He kills her, takes over and has an instant horde to send our way.”

“Then we leave it abundantly clear that if he does we will consider him an absolute thread and eliminate him.” Ezekiel chimes in.

What he said must have obviously not been what Daryl was expecting because the hunter turns to look at him surprised. Daryl shakes his head and leans against the table in front of him where a map has been laid out and marked with all the locations that had been searched and where a huge red circle had been placed where they thought the hoard was located.

“Man, I brought you here to stop her, not to join her,” Daryl says under his breath.

To his side, Ezekiel hears Carol chuckle softly. Seeing that she doesn’t take offense to Daryl’s jive, he doesn’t either. Instead, he decides to reply lighthearted. “I came here to woe her heart back and make sure both she and our Princess are healthy, I am not a fool to make a feeble attempt of standing in her way.”

This time, Carol does laugh and it is the most beautiful sound he will ever hear.

—

“Hot damn! You want me to what?”

Though years had passed since Ezekiel had seen, or heard Negan, he quickly remembers why he hated him so much. He is crude, irreverent, has an ego the size of the planet not to mention he is an asshole all around. He thought perhaps confinement had worked to make him change, at least to make him a little humbler, but it seems Ezekiel has been mistaken.

After getting Daryl’s approval to the plan, which he only did because Carol begged him to trust her and Daryl was unable to deny anything to his friend, the three had gone to his cell. The man he saw appeared as a broken version of the once ‘great’ Negan; he looked tired, perhaps depressed and definitively skinnier, and yet the moment he opened his mouth Ezekiel is ready to cut off all negotiation.

His wife, however, doesn’t seem too affected.

“I want you to infiltrate Alpha’s group, gain her trust, then kill her when she least expects it.” Carol’s voice never wavers, never rises. She’s in complete control of the situation. Honestly, he’s not even sure why he and Daryl have tagged with her, perhaps to simply make her look more delicate in her pregnant state so that Negan trusts her easily and doesn’t consider her a threat. If the man only knew.

“And why in the ever-living-hell would I do that, hot mama?” He wants to wipe Negan’s smirk with his fist but ends up only fisting his hand, a movement Negan seems to catch and which only makes his grin grow exponentially. “Oh excuse me, hot Queen Mama.”

Carol takes in a deep breath and squares her shoulders. He knows what that means; it means she’s about to shut Negan down faster than he’s able to talk.

“Because I can give you the one thing you want; freedom,” Carol replies.

Negan’s grin falters slightly but doesn’t fall. She’s got his attention.

“Yeah?” Negan challenges. “What kind of freedom? Cause I’ve been hearing what’s been happening outside. Your war with the Whisperers, and I ain’t too damn sure that I want to be out there for it.”

“If you do this, we have agreed to let you out of this cell...”

“I already got that.” Negan interrupts her. “Three hours a day when not-the-father Gabriel thinks I’ve been a good boy.”

“I’m talking more than three hours. All day.” Carol shifts in her place. Ezekiel sees her move her weight from one foot to the other and knows instantly that either her back is hurting or their Princess is kicking her sharply. Either way, she is not going to show weakness in front of Negan by either placing a hand on her back to knead the muscles or on her belly to calm their child. “You’d be let out of the cell with supervision, you’d be assigned a job in the community, and at night you’d be given a guarded room to rest in.”

“All of that for the head of a woman?” Negan asks with a chuckle. “You really must hate the broad. Oh, that’s right... she killed your kid. Henry, right? Put his handsome little head on a pike. If I were you I’d be the one outside hunting her ass.”

“Don’t believe that you are safe because you are in confinement, Negan.” Ezekiel can’t help but threaten him. He will not stand for him to be talking about Henry that way, especially not in front of Carol.

“Oh, the King coming to the rescue!” Negan extends both arms in mock salute.

“I’m over this, let the clown rot here forever.” Daryl declares as he turns and moves towards the cell’s entrance. “Come on, Carol. He ain’t gonna take it.”

Carol turns to leave though Ezekiel knows it is a bluff on her part. She makes eye contact with him before taking a step away from Negan. She doesn’t get too far before Negan is trying to stop her.

“Wait, Wait, Wait. Hold it there hot Queen Mama.” Negan stops them. “I didn’t say I wasn’t interested.”

The tiny smile on her face and the glint in her eyes that he catches as she pretends to reconsider are enough to tell him that he had been right. Carol, ever the tactician, has been three steps ahead of Negan and has managed to get exactly what she wants when she wants it. The smile is gone by the time she turns to look at Negan but Ezekiel knows she’s rejoicing within.

“I thought you would be.” He hears her say as she faces Negan once again.

“Hypothetically speaking, say that-“

“I don’t speak in hypotheticals. Either you do it or you don’t.” Carol interrupts him right away letting the man see that he only has one chance to change how he spends the rest of the foreseeable future.

Negan stares at her for a second before letting out a belly laugh. “Now that’s how you do it!” Always ready to have a dig at Daryl, Negan turns to look at him and with a mocking attitude tells the hunter. “You could definitively learn a lot from her.”

Ezekiel watches as Daryl gives the man a death glare before shaking his head and turning away. He leans against the cell's bars, mumbling to himself in a tone so gruff that Ezekiel can’t quite make out what the hunter is saying.

“How do you want me to do it?”

Carol’s body tenses which in turn breaks Ezekiel’s heart momentarily. It is one thing to want someone dead with all of your being and another to be gleefully asked how you want someone to die. He knows his wife isn’t a murderer and doesn’t have a murderous mind which makes this even harder on her being. He knows every death she has ever been a part of weighs heavy in her heart, even the death of those that deserve it. He knows Alpha’s death will eventually create a mark in her soul but at least the much larger wound left behind by Henry’s murder will start to heal.

“I don’t care how you do it,” Carol finally admits to Negan. “I just want it done, I want her to suffer just like my son did.”

Negan sucks at his teeth, weighing in the request that Carol has made. As much as he seems to be agreeing to the plan of infiltrating the Whisperers, Ezekiel still doesn’t trust him. He knows he could backstab them at any moment and he fears it is exactly what Negan is already thinking of doing.

“What makes you so sure I won’t just join her? That I won’t be reigning hell on your little kumbaya town?”

Carol’s head tilts slightly to the side as her ruthless killer mask slips on. Even after almost a decade of knowing her he still finds it fascinating to watch her switch from being herself to being a leader to being someone you wouldn’t want to meet in your worst nightmare. In fact, the face she’s wearing now certainly tells him that she’s about to become Negan’s worst dream.

“Did you ever hear about a community call Terminus? You might not have, it’s from back in Georgia.” She starts explaining as she squares her shoulders at him. “They lured survivors in with the promise of sanctuary only to turn around and eat them. Well... let’s just say that the explosion I created was the least of their worries. I marched in with the hoard, took down every single one of them I crossed paths with and their leader.”

This is old news to Ezekiel but he adores to see the man who seems to think he’s the most badass in the world because he hits people with a bat, squirm in discomfort in his cell.

“They weren’t the only ones. Remember when your outpost was attacked and every single one of your saviors was murdered in their sleep? I was part of that team.” She continues, her smile growing as her fake glee comes into play just to get a bigger reaction from Negan. “Oh, and the women you had leading the place, I killed one and set the rest on fire... alive. They deserved it, but that doesn’t matter. There was also the group of Wolves... you could recognize them because they all had a w carved in their forehead. They tried to infiltrate Alexandria, crashed a car into our gates to bring in a hoard. I took care of them as well, singlehandedly, one by one. My food didn’t even get burnt in the oven while I did it. You must have also heard about the group of men that were scouting near Alexandria, the ones that you sent to keep an eye on us. They got killed too when they crossed me. I begged them to leave but they wouldn’t because they thought Negan was invincible and they were Negan. They are dead now. Just like the ones who tried to ambush The Kingdom during a scouting mission, or the ones that tried to take weapons to you, or the ones that tried to take The Kingdom by force. They are all dead because they crossed me.”

Despite wanting to shield her as Carol gets near Negan, a hand on her knuckle knife, Ezekiel knows that Carol needs no protection. She could take Negan’s life in a second if she wanted and Negan wouldn’t even have a chance to blink. He feels proud of her, of the things she’s had to do to survive. He’s not proud of her killing per se, because really who could be proud of murdering, but he’s proud of her adaptability, of her ability to look at the bigger picture and play with the biggest fish in the pond and still come out on top.

“I am not the person you want to backstab, Negan. I’m telling you that straight on so there is no confusion.” She’s so close to him that Ezekiel almost has to wonder if her belly is touching his. He can’t help but entertain the idea of their Princess swiftly kicking him just to help her mother’s point her across. “If you decide to join her for real, instead of killing her, if you so much as breathe to her any part of this plan, I will end you. I will personally hunt you down and kill you. I might even enjoy it. So there, make your choice. And make it true.”

He’s never seen Negan look pale, never seen him even show a hint of fear until this very moment. Carol is pregnant, grieving, in pain and much shorter than him, but she is still giving him a run for his money. By the look on the man’s face, Ezekiel knows what Negan’s decision will be; he will infiltrate Alpha’s whispers and he will kill her. Angering Carol is out of the question.

—

He normally hates to see Carol pacing up and down the room. He hated it in Kingdom when she did it in the throne room and he hated it here when she was still trying to think of a plan to bring Alpha down. This time though it has nothing to do with her being worried and everything to do with their little Princess.

“Come lay down.” He pats her side of the bed just in case she’s forgotten where she’s supposed to lay down and waits for her to do so. Instead, Carol continues moving from side to side, one hand on her back and one hand sweeping in circular motions over her belly.

“I can’t.” She replies as she stops for a second to dig her fingers on her back in an attempt to knead at her muscles. “If I lay down she kicks harder.”

Ezekiel chuckles and scoots over until he is at the end of the bed. He waves her over so that she can stand by the end of the mattress. Carol waddles over to him and turns to give him her back when he twirls his finger in a circle. “What did you expect? Our Princess has inherited her mother’s inability to stay still.”

Carol chuckles and hums as he starts to knead on the tight muscles on her lower back. He knows this is the spot that hurts most, where she carries most of the baby’s weight and hopes to release some of the tension she feels. “That feels good.” She mumbles as her head dips.

He’s not sure if she’s doing it consciously, but Carol starts shifting her weight from side to side, her arms holding her belly and making her look like she’s rocking their baby to sleep. “She likes it,” Carol notes. “She’s starting to calm down.”

“Perhaps the fact that her mother is finally relaxing is aiding in her own relaxation.” He muses.

Carol grumbles under her breath and Ezekiel smirks. He knows he is right. Carol knows he is right. He continues working on her muscles, warming her skin through her clothing and undoing the knots that he finds. She moans out loud as he finally undoes a particularly hard knot then visibly relaxes.

“I think she’s finally asleep,” Carol whispers as if speaking at a regular volume will wake up their daughter. She shifts slightly to the side then sits beside him on the bed.

Ezekiel raises a hand and gently caresses the swell of Carol’s belly. He’s unable to keep away for long, proudly staring at Carol, marveling at the miracle that she’s creating within her. She’s still small according to Siddiq but their daughter is gaining what previously appeared unattainable. Carol’s hand eventually finds his and their fingers interlace. “I know you are anxious about Negan, and that no amount of begging on my part will stop you from doing so, but I can only remind you of what Siddiq said; we must enjoy what we are living because we are living, Carol. Our daughter is living. Alpha and her people are nothing but reasoning walkers, withering away from humanity with every day that passes.”

He knows Carol’s eyes are glistening with tears because she blinks rapidly to push them back. She lowers her face and gazes at her belly, transfixed by the swell and their hands on it. “I just want this over with. Whether it is Negan who does it, or anyone else. I just need her to be gone.”

“You need to trust-“

“I can’t blindly trust Negan.” She interrupts him, her face turning towards his with a surprised expression.

“-to trust your plan.” He continues, making emphasis on the fact that he doesn’t want her to trust Negan at all. “It’s gonna work. I believe it will.”

She lets out a quick breath and returns to look at her belly. “I’m getting bigger.” She swiftly changes the conversation. “She is getting bigger. Her kicking around has nothing to do with me being anxious and everything to do with her running out of space.”

“Or perhaps she’s agreeing with her father on the fact that her mother needs to relax.” Ezekiel offers. He turns slightly to face her and leans down to kiss the top of her belly. Deciding to stay near the swell, he grins when he clearly sees her belly distend as their daughter shifts.

“Great. Now you two are ganging up on me without her even being born.” She rolls her eyes playfully before letting go of his hand. As he presses another kiss to her clothed belly, Carol places her hand in his hair, massaging his scalp between the dreads his hair is parted in, then raises the shirt she uses for bed and bares her belly.

He can see the line on her belly has darkened even further and that her belly button has finally popped out. Her skin is light enough that he can see a couple of blue veins faintly which he quickly traces. She’s right, she’s getting bigger and the stretch marks seem to be the evidence they both need that their daughter keeps thriving.

“You are beautiful.” He whispers before pressing a kiss to her bare belly. “Magnificent.” He describes before placing another kiss higher on the swell. “A work of art.”

He feels her belly move as she chuckles which prompts him to lean back and look up at her. “I speak the truth.”

“You don’t have to lie, you are already in my bed.” She replies with a devilish glint in her eye.

“When have I ever spoken untruthfully to you, my love?”

Carol remains quiet. No doubt she’s trying to think of any lie he might have given her. When she comes up short she rolls her eyes at him again. “Shut up.”

She slowly rises from the bed, aided by his strong hand on her back. No sooner is she on her feet that she’s rounding the corner of the mattress and parting the bedsheets so that she can slip in. He crawls to his side of the bed and joins her under the covers after turning off the table light. Soon he settles on his side, spooning her from behind, his hand meets with the soft skin of her belly, settling right over the scar that the savior’s knife had left behind, the wound that had brought her to him.

“I meant it, Carol, you are the most gorgeous woman in the world.” He whispers. “Inside and out.”

Carol roots back against him, contently sighing as she seems to find the spot she likes the most. He tightens his hold on her, bringing her as close to him as he possibly can. Just when he thinks that she’s fallen asleep, or on her way there because her breathing seems to even out, Carol surprises him.

“Thank you,” she whispers. Her hand finds his and once again she intertwines their fingers.

“Whatever for?”

“For standing by me with the whole Negan thing. For helping me convince Daryl and for not thinking I was completely crazy.”

“I’ll never think that of you,” Ezekiel promises with a kiss to the back of her head. “But you don’t have to give me your thanks. When I said my vows to you I meant them Carol; for better or for worse I will always love you and stand by you if you’ll let me.”

He feels her give a soft nod, tighten her hold on his hand, then burrow her face against the pillow with a soft sigh. Once again her breathing evens out. He remains quiet, simply listening to her sleep. There is no movement under his hand either, which means that both of his girls have finally fallen asleep.

Unable to keep it a secret, he whispers into the night. “I love you, Carol.”

A sleepily mumbled and not at all conscious reply is given in return. “I love you, too.”

—

Alpha’s end comes a little over a month after they’ve released Negan.

They’d been out investigating a cave where they had stumbled upon Alpha’s hidden hoard -after he’d had a hunch that it could give them information about Alpha’s way of suddenly disappearing without a trace- when it was heard over the radio that Negan had marched himself back into Alexandria. As soon as Magna had heard the transmission she’d rushed into the cave, slid down the slope and tracked him down in one of the many cave pockets they were systematically clearing. The rest of the group had no way of knowing what his return meant but Ezekiel did. The air had practically rushed out of his lungs and he’d momentarily forgotten how to breathe.

Dirty and sweaty, Ezekiel had rushed back to Alexandria, begging his steed to go as fast as it physically could. Once there he had set in the direction of Michonne’s home where the jail had been built by none other than Morgan. There were two guards placed; one at the door of the jail and the other at the start of the staircase. Daryl waited by the guard, leaning back against the metal bars of the fence.

“Is he within the cell?” He asks as he jogs to the hunter.

“Yeah, he ain’t going nowhere,” Daryl assures him, keeping up the appearance for the sake of the guards. “Ya might wanna bring Carol with ya. He’s got something for the both of ya.”

He’s surprised no one has told Carol that Negan is back, or that she hasn’t somehow heard and is already plotting her way in. Perhaps she’s in the middle of a nap; she’s recently been taking many of those, her body growing more and more tired as the pregnancy continues and the child within her keeps her up at all hours of the night. Either that or someone is keeping her busy and away from the cell.

Taking two steps at a time, Ezekiel moves into the house and up the stairs. He doesn’t stop until he’s facing their door and only because he has to catch his breath. His heart thunders in his chest as he tries to think of a way to tell her that what they’ve most wanted since Henry’s death has finally come to pass. He lowers his eyes, takes a deep breath and opens the door.

Carol is sleeping, just as he thought she would be. She’s filled out more in the month that it’s taken Negan to come back which means that she can no longer sleep on her back. He finds her curled up on her side, his pillow serving as a replacement to his chest that she hugs close to her and lays her head on, her legs slightly parted with one higher than the other to allow room for her belly. Her silver hair is sprawled all over the bed, her lips slightly parted to let her breathe and her expression is relaxed, as relaxed as he’s seen her be in the past few weeks.

He hates to interrupt her sleep for he knows well that their Princess has been on a stubborn streak and refuses to go to bed at the time a normal person would. Her punching and rolling in protest of her mother’s impatience has continued. Carol hardly sleeps when that happens and instead takes one or two naps throughout the day to make up for the lost rest. Yesterday was one of those nights were their baby had them up at a late hour and Carol is barely catching up now. He contemplates making Negan wait for her to wake up, but he knows better and he knows that if he doesn’t wake her he’ll face her disapproval. The last thing he wants is to make his Queen, and the mother of his child, angry at him.

Careful not to startle her awake, Ezekiel sits on the edge of the bed. He tenderly caresses her face and hair, hoping to bring her out of sleep without her jumping awake. He knows it’s probably not the time to notice but he can’t help but think that Carol looks absolutely gorgeous in her sleep. It takes very little time of him caressing her before her eyes are fluttering under her eyelids and slowly opening. She makes a confused expression as she focuses on him.

“What time is it?” She asks groggily. She’s gotten used to Ezekiel waking her late at night when they are off exploring the cave so she’s probably confused about the time. “I didn’t mean to sleep this long.” She announces before he can even say anything else.

“It’s not late.” He admits because he has no way of knowing the actual time. “It’s actually early. I got radioed to come back.”

Even more confused, Carol stares at him as she slowly blinks the sleep away. “Why?” She half whispers. “I am okay. I didn’t ask them to call you.”

He can’t help but smirk.

With her delivery date having come and gone, he’d been terrified of missing her daughter’s birth and had been torn between leaving to continue the search and staying by Carol’s side. Carol had told him that as much as she wanted him near, she understood they had responsibilities. He’d jokingly told her she just wanted to get rid of him so he wouldn’t be hovering. She knows he’s worried because they no longer have a doctor in Alexandria since they had lost Siddiq by Dante’s hand, and Dante by Father Gabriel’s and the closest person with medical knowledge to bring their child safely to them is two days ride away, so she’s willing to cut him some slack but still loves to tease him about it. In the end, it was decided that he would go to the caves and she had promised that at the smallest contraction she would have him radioed in

“I know.” Tenderly he takes hold of her hand and brings it up to his lips. He knows that the moment he tells her that Negan is back she will be trying to get out of bed, rushing down the stairs and straight into the cell. He doesn’t want her to get hurt though. “Promise me you’ll take things slow.”

Carol narrows her eyes at him. He knows she’s trying to figure out what he’s thinking and trying to say. “You are scaring me, what is it?”

There is no point in keeping it from her. He gently squeezes her hand and locks his eyes with her blues. “Negan is back.”

As expected, Carol’s whole body tenses. If she could she’d be flying off the bed and running to see the man. As it is, her belly stops her from making fast movements but she does start the process of trying to get up. “Help me up!” She urgently says.

Ezekiel gets upfront on the edge of the bed and helps her incorporate herself. His hands settle on her hips until she has found her balance but then smooth to either side of her belly. “I have yet to see him, however, promise me that no matter what arises, no matter what is said, you will keep our Princess in mind.”

“Ezekiel,” Carol whispers as her hand raises to gently cup his cheek. Her soft touch instantly makes him lean against her hand. “She and you are my top priority. I’m not going to do anything to hurt either of you, I promise.”

“I shall hold you to that promise, my love.”

It’s Carol that leans forward to brush a kiss to his lips. He takes a second to deepen it before pulling back and offering her his arm. “Let’s go.” She declares as soon as she has leaned against him for both moral and physical support.

The way down from the attic to the main house floor then to the street and into the jail is a slow process but eventually they make it there. Daryl is already inside, waiting for them in silence as Negan talks and talks about things that obviously make no difference to the hunter. It’s only when he spots Carol and him approaching that Negan gives a cocky grin.

“Well, if it isn’t The King and the Queen Mama! My, my you’ve certainly filled out! Definitively look as pregnant as can be.” He smirks and leans forward, his eyebrow-raising in an almost challenge. “Pregnant women always get me going.”

“Shut up!” Daryl finally barks at Negan.

Negan chuckles and seems completely unaffected by Daryl. “Call off your guard dog Queen Mama. I have something for you that you might want to look at.”

From beside the cot he is sitting at, Negan brings up a burlap sack. It’s dirty and worn out, not to mention bloody, but he holds it up with a grin. The whole bottom of it is drenched in blood from either laying on a pool of blood or absorbing the blood of whatever is inside and judging by the bulk shape in it, Ezekiel knows it’s probably the former. Before he can stop Negan, the man turns the sack upside down and with a sickening thud Alpha’s head is presented to them.

Her face is white, the ashen color of death. Her eyes are halfway rolled up, her mouth wide open in a silent scream. There is blood on her left cheek and temple from where the sack’s material spread the viscous liquid. He can’t help but focus on the severed end of her neck. He knows right away that Negan used barb wire to cut her neck off. Alpha had died a painful death, a death that truly made her pay for the pain she’d caused to those she killed, to the pain she’d caused Henry.

Besides him, Ezekiel hears Carol give a sharp intake of breath. He turns just in time to see her slip on a mask to pretend she’s unaffected by the reveal.

“You’ve kept your end of the deal.” He hears her say in a cold, detached tone. “I will keep mine.”

“You damn better will,” Negan warns her.

Carol doesn’t react to his threat, her eyes still on Alpha’s head, staring at it intently. Ezekiel is waiting for her to reply with something witty but instead he’s surprised when she blinks and turns to leave without another word. At a loss for words, Ezekiel follows behind her trying very hard to ignore Negan’s cries for attention which Daryl is doing his very best to quiet down. It’s only when they are out of the basement-turned-jail and in the green area in front of Michonne’s home, that Carol finally breaks down. She leans against the thick trunk of the tree, her mouth open and her eyes closed as she struggles to take a breath. Ezekiel instantly moves to her side, pressing his hand to her back. Soothing her as best he knows while guiding her into deepening the air she takes in so that she doesn’t go into a panic attack or passes out.

Her reaction isn’t surprising but it is comforting. He knows many believe that Carol’s search for vengeance has made her fall into the deep end, has made her ruthless and uncaring, selfish even. Ezekiel knows better, knows her inside and out, and knows that this has greatly affected her. Her reaction reminds him that she is only a grieving mother deeply affected by the loss of her child, a mother who is finally letting go of the anger and pain she’s had to unwillingly face. Once her breathing has returned to normal, Carol remains leaning against the tree and Ezekiel remains by her side, silently embracing her as best as he can.

“It’s over. It’s finally over.” She whimpers as she moves away from the tree. It’s a good thing his arm is wrapped around her because as she moves away her knees seem to buckle from beneath her. He catches her but instead of staying up, he slowly lowers them to the ground. Gently he guides their bodies so that he is leaning against the tree, sitting down on the dry grass and Carol is curled up against him, her belly cradled protectively between their arms. “She’s gone.”

“She is.” He whispers.

Ezekiel alternates between gently caressing the swell of her belly and smoothing his fingers over her arm. He wants to remind her it’s all right to be vulnerable and that he’s here to catch her when she falls. It must have worked because she’s soon trembling in his arms, her belly jumping slightly with the force of her sobs. Even before, when he had thought Carol was finally letting go of everything she’d held back, he’d been wrong. He knows it now because she completely breaks down in his arms in a way he never has seen her do before; loud sobs leave her lips as she struggles to breathe, fat tears fall down her cheeks unstopped by either of them, snot makes the end of her nose glisten, her whole body trembles uncontrollably and her hand tightens around his shirt as she holds tightly to his clothed chest.

When she calms a little, he hears a whispered prayer come out of her lips, but it’s not toward the God she told him she once believed it, it’s for Henry.

“She’s gone. She can’t hurt us anymore, Henry.” He hears her whisper between her deep intakes of breath that only break by the depth of her emotions. “Sweet boy, she’s gone. She should have never touched you, never hurt you, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I failed you and your dad. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. She’s gone now. She can’t hurt anyone else.”

He desperately wants to tell her that she didn’t fail Henry. He desperately wants to reassure her that she didn’t fail him. Instead, he lets her go through her emotions, holding her as tightly as he can. She needs this, as much as it pains him to see her go through it, he knows she needs it. He too has had conversations such as the one she now holds with the memory of their son and he knows that the feeling of peace that always follows them is exactly what she needs.

Within her, Ezekiel feels their daughter kick in protest before twisting enough that he can see the roll of her belly as it dissents. His hand slides down her arm and settles tenderly on the swell. “It’s all right, Princess. Papa will not allow anything to befall on your Mama. She aches for your brother, but it’s an ache that she must allow herself to experience. Lay your trust in me. I shall protect you both.”

“I miss you... I wish you were here with us. I wish I could hug you.” Carol continues. Her eyes have slipped close, her hold on his clothing has loosened, and her breathing has calmed. Silent tears still stream down her face, but they fall slower than before which Ezekiel sees as a good thing. “I don’t remember if I told you how much I loved you the last time I saw you. I don’t know if my last hug showed you how much... how much you meant to me, how much you continue to be with me everywhere I go. I’ll always love you, Henry. You were my son, you’ll forever be my son. Everything you taught me, I will forever carry in my heart, sweetheart. I have many things to make up for, and I will. For you, for your dad, for your sister. I will make you proud Henry. I will find a way to make you proud. I love you, Henry, with all my heart.”

“He was proud of you, my Queen, as proud as I’ve ever seen him be. He looked up to you, from the moment he met you he knew you were destined to be his mother.” Ezekiel buries his nose in her soft hair to try and hide his own tears. Her pain is so strong, as strong as the pain he feels. He wants nothing more than for both of them to be free of that pain, to only remember Henry with love and fondness and have no trace of the hurt that his death has tainted them with. This is progress, as heartbreaking as it may be. It’s a step in the right direction towards healing.

Somehow they will do it together.

Or so he hopes.

—

He hasn’t slept so deeply since the night before the fair; where everything seemed possible and happiness was all around him, where his son was learning how to fix their home and his wife was sleeping contently in his arms, where the future seemed as bright as any fairy tale he had ever read.

He wakes with a smile on his face and instantly reaches for his wife. He wants to bring her as close as he can, inhale that sweet scent that is uniquely hers, and kiss her senseless, maybe even make love to her. He aches to feel her warm, full-body against his, to feel their daughter squirming within her begging to start the day so that they are a little bit closer to meeting each other. He will chuckle, press a kiss to the back of her head and to her naked shoulder and he will tell their Princess to go back to sleep so that her parents can have some alone time.

But instead of finding her warmth Ezekiel encounters only the coldest of sheets.

He shoots up on the bed right away, his eyes wide open and his chest painfully tight. A sweep around the room tells him he’s completely alone. Carol hasn’t been in the room for a very long time. Ezekiel closes his eyes right away. He can’t bear to look for her things around the room for fear that he will not find them.

“This can’t be happening.” He mutters.

His worst nightmare is coming true; Carol is gone. She must have waited for him to fall asleep before taking a pack she’d no doubt had ready for her departure and exiting his life without so much as a goodbye. He thought they had made progress, he thought they were healing together, that they had agreed to give their marriage a second chance for they had almost acted like the couple they had once been. He must have misunderstood her terribly.

She’s used him.

Anger rushes through him once again; hot and all-consuming, searing his soul as it takes over him. He feels used, cast aside once again by the wife he has been cursed to always love. She’s left him and he’s lost all that matters to him once again, except this time he’s lost so much more, he’s lost his daughter as well as his wife.

Desperation overpowers him. He wants to reach inside himself and tear out his own heart to end his suffering right away. It was all for nothing, after all. All the pain, all the tears, all the hope were for nothing. What’s the point of continuing on when one had nothing left to live?

He’s just going to lay on the bed, close his eyes and give up. In the end, Alpha took everything from him and won. He’s done.

A tiny unsure knock breaks through the numbness of his mind. He wants to ignore it, he desperately wants to pretend life outside of these four walls do not exist. The rapping on the door, however, will not let him in peace.

“Uncle King?” A tiny voice he instantly recognizes as RJ’s comes muffled through the door. “Are you awake?”

“Knock louder RJ. He’s sleeping.” The second voice belongs to none other than Judith. “Hurry up! Mama said to hurry.”

RJ knocks once more, louder this time. Still, Ezekiel remains quiet. He can’t deal with anything right now, not when his pain and anger are consuming him from within.

“He’s not answering, Jude.”

The sound of quick and inpatient steps rushing up the stairs outside of the bedroom are followed by Judith’s much louder knock. “King Ezekiel? Are you awake?”

“Tell him to hurry, Jude.”

“Uncle King?” Judith uses the nickname RJ bestowed upon him instead of his name. She knows how happy it makes him to hear it from the boy, how they will surely get whatever they want from him if they use the nickname that welcomes him into their family. He isn’t their uncle though, perhaps he never was, not without Carol at his side. The children will soon realize it and he’ll be back to simply being the forgotten King. “Mama really needs you to get up. She’s sent us to come get you.”

“Jude, what if we can’t wake him up?”

“Shhh RJ.” He hears the young girl hush her brother. “Uncle King we really need you to come down. Aunt Carol is having the baby.”

What?

Carol is having the baby? Carol hadn’t left and she’s having the baby?

He leaps out of the bed and crosses the distance towards the door. He knows he has surprised the children when the door swings open and they stare at him with wide eyes. He’s glad he finds no fear in their eyes, and that RJ and Jude instantly reach for each of his hands, tugging at him and guiding him towards Michonne and Carol. They take him down the stairs to the second floor but quickly tug him back from the next set of stairs when he moves to go down them.

“No! She’s in Mama’s room!” RJ declares when he’s not quite as easy to tug there.

Redirecting himself, Ezekiel follows the children until they reach Michonne’s door which is wide open. That’s when he freezes. Michonne is facing Carol, her hands on his wife’s hips while one of Carol’s hands hold on to Michonne’s shoulder. They are both breathing exaggerated though he knows only Carol actually needs to do so. His wife’s eyes are closed, her other hand cradling her belly, long strands of hair fall down from the French knot she has her hair in. Besides them, rushing from one side of the bed to the other, Daryl is preparing Michonne’s bed for the impending arrival. The hunter is trembling visibly, obviously nervous as he takes glances towards the women.

“Carol?” He breaks the atmosphere around the three. His heart thunders in his chest; just seconds ago he thought Carol had abandoned him, taking their daughter with her when she’d actually been laboring to bring their child home.

Carol raises her head as she follows the sound of his voice. She opens her eyes, their blue sparkling with the happiness and pain that she feels in equal measures. She gives him a tiny pained smile before reaching for him. “Zeke.”

He reaches her in three long steps and pulls her against him. Carol’s arms wrap around his neck as she presses her face to his chest and neck. Between them, he can feel her belly hard as a rock and he knows right away that she’s feeling a contraction. He instinctively knows what to do so he guides his hands around her waist and to her back, settling against her lower back where he gently rolls his knuckles against her tightened muscles, earning himself a moan of relief from Carol.

“What happened?” He asks Michonne without turning to look at the warrior.

“Your wife being hard-headed.” She replies. He hears her moving somewhere beside them but Ezekiel doesn’t dare look away from Carol, terrified that if he does she will vanish into thin air. “She woke up Daryl at the break of dawn to go on a walk. She didn’t tell him that she was in labor, just insisted they go.”

“Almost had a heart attack when she doubled over in pain,” Daryl adds. “Thought she’d gotten hurt or somethin’.”

In his arms, Carol finally lets out a sigh that he soon learns means that her contraction has receded. “It does hurt.” She teases. “Sorry for scaring you.”

“Refused to come back. Said walking helped. Didn’t want to wake ya cause ya’ve been tired.” Daryl continues. “Didn’t stop walking till she couldn’t. Had to carry her over.”

“You should have wakened me.” He whispers to her before burying his face against her silvery hair. “I would have walked the land with you, my love.”

“You’ve been so tired after the cave explorations. I got up and you didn’t even move. I just wanted to let you rest a little more before resting was out of the question.”

He feels guilty for the way he reacted when he’d woken alone. It had been an obvious reaction to their past, but a reaction he didn’t like especially when Carol had simply wanted to let him sleep in. It’s something he’ll have to deal with, to make up to her if he can, but something he needs to push aside if he’s gonna focus on the task at hand; his daughter’s birth.

“Contractions are coming five minutes apart from what Daryl timed,” Michonne explains as she suddenly appears in front of them. “With Siddiq gone, we have no doctor here to help. There’s no time to get the medic from Hilltop or to take her there so we are all you guys got. Daryl and I are gonna go get the things we’ll need; warm water, blankets, towels, pillows, a disinfected knife, and scissors. You stay here with her.”

“Nothing would tear me apart from her side even if it tried,” Ezekiel promises.

Before he can say anything else, Daryl and Michonne have left the room, taking the children with them. He’s alone with Carol who has plastered herself to his chest and is breathing hard. Ezekiel presses a kiss to her forehead and hums at her softly.

“Sorry,” she mumbles as she pulls back enough so that he can see her face. Her forehead is scrunched up with worry as she studies his expression. “You were scared and angry. I could tell when you came in here. I should have wakened you.”

He’s not going to ask her how she knew his feelings when she’d been hanging on to Michonne with her eyes closed. He’s simply going to accept the fact that they are so connected again that Carol can simply tell something had been wrong. “It’s in the past, my love, it matters not. What matters is that you are here and that our beautiful Princess is about to make her arrival into our lives.”

“I wouldn’t mind if she made it a little less painful.” She jokes before snuggling against him once more.

“Do you wish to lay down, Carol?” He asks. Perhaps she’d been waiting for Daryl to be done with preparing the bed so that she could lay on it before he’d interrupted. He doesn’t want to disturb her process or make it harder for her to give birth, so he offers the only thing he can to make sure he can give her everything she needs but Carol shakes her head against his chest.

“I’m perfect right here.” She whispers as she tightens her arms around his neck. In turn, he continues kneading on her lower back, hoping that at least that will make it a little easier.

A low moan starts coming from deep within her as her hips slightly rock from side to side. He presses his chin to the top of her head, and rocks along with her. This is her show and he’s going to follow whatever she needs. Again he feels her belly start tightening, her muscles contracting hard in an effort to push out their little bundle of joy. She squirms in his arms against the pain, her fingers finding the flesh of his back and digging into it.

“Breathe.” He whispers and Carol immediately follows his instruction, fanning warm air into his chest. “Where does it ache?”

“Lower back,” she whimpers between breaths. “and my... hips.”

He waits until she releases a deep breath that signals the contraction has passed before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “What can I do?”

“For now? Just hold me.” She mumbles as she continues swaying. “You can have a talk later with her to ask her to make it quick.”

He chuckles but gives a hum of agreement. Surprisingly, Carol seems to like the vibrations of his chest. “Do that again.” She whispers. “It calms me.”

Without pausing again, Ezekiel continues humming to her through two more contractions. They are obviously getting stronger judging by the way her nails dig harder into his back but he never moves away or releases her. Instead, he relishes in the opportunity of holding her and sharing the tightening of her belly between them. He marvels at the fact that even during the strongest part of the contraction, their daughter seems to fight against Carol’s body, rolling her limbs and kicking whenever she can. He even smiles at the tiny grunts Carol gives whenever she does.

He can hear Michonne and Judith’s voices approaching when the next contraction hits. Carol seems to wiggle a little bit more this time, her grunts coming out louder as her nails dig painfully on his shoulder. A curse comes out of her lips before she quickly releases him and pushes him away. “Shit, shit, shit.” She whimpers as she turns towards the bed and leans forward to press her hands against the mattress which she squeezes between her hands. He doesn’t have a chance to ask what’s going on or if he did something wrong before she’s throwing out instructions at him.

“Get a towel!” She grunts between clenched teeth. “My water-“

He’s only taken a couple of steps towards the door to ask Michonne for a towel when he hears a splash. The words die on his lips as he turns to look at Carol who is now loudly breathing through her mouth, her legs spread apart with her nightgown clinging to her legs.

“Michonne!” He calls out. “Her water broke!”

Heavy, rushed footsteps and a break in the conversation are enough to tell him Michonne is on her way. Instead of waiting for her, Ezekiel rushes to Carol’s side. He places a hand on her back and another by her hand on the mattress just as Michonne comes into the room, a pile of towels in her hands. He watches as she places a towel on the floor between Carol’s legs to absorb his wife’s waters. “That was fast,” Michonne notes.

“Does that mean the baby is coming soon?” Judith asks with wide eyes.

“It does.” Michonne doesn’t stop once the water has been taken care of and quickly moves towards the bed where she starts spreading layers of towels over the sheets to protect the mattress. “It also means you have to go to Uncle Daryl.”

“But mom!”

“No buts, Judith,” Michonne warns her in a motherly tone. “I need you to watch over RJ and Uncle Daryl. Can you do that for me? Can you make sure they don’t get themselves in trouble?”

Judith pouts but does as told. Ezekiel watches as she leaves the room, closing the door behind her. He turns towards Michonne and grins at her. “That’s what you have to look foreword to, King. Are you sure you are ready for it?"

“More than ever,” Ezekiel answers with a smile before turning to look at Carol who seems to be resting between contractions. Leaning forward he gently whispers. “Tell me what to do. How to help.”

Carol shakes her head but opens her eyes to look at him. “Nothing you can do.” She promises. “Just gotta get through with it. Although... now would be a good time to talk to your daughter and tell her to make this easy on me.”

Ezekiel grins for talking to his baby girl is one of the things he enjoys the most in the world. He’s not sure if it will do much but he’s willing to ask their baby for an easy time if it will amuse his wife. Leaning down a bit more, he moves his hand away from the mattress and kneels beside her, uncaring if his knees get wet. He places his hands on her belly prompting Carol to turn towards him so that he can talk directly to the swell.

“Beloved Princess,” he whispers unable to focus anywhere else but the swell of Carol’s belly and the way his large hands seem to completely cover it. He knows that to anyone else but Carol and him, the scene he’s being a part of must look silly. He doesn’t care though. This is part of who he is, who they are, and he refuses to taper it for other people’s sake. “Your mother and I are eager to make your acquaintance and help guide you through this very weird world. To be able to do that we must first deliver you and that is a hard process for your Mama. She’s a strong woman, the strongest woman I know, and I know that if anyone can deliver the most important baby girl it is her. If you could help us make it easier for her I would consider it a personal favor that I would gladly repay once you are in our arms. What do you say, Princess?”

Carol’s hand smooths over his own just as their daughter seems to roll her arms or legs against her. He grins, taking that as a yes, before looking up at Carol. His wife is smiling down at him, love shining so brightly in her eyes that he can’t seem to look away. When he finally does, after Michonne clears her throat, he only does so in order to press a kiss to Carol’s belly and to get up.

It’s only when he’s at his full height that Carol leans forward and presses her lips against his in a tender kiss. “Thank you.”

“So what do you want to do, Carol? Lay down? Walk around? Stare into your husband’s eyes until the baby gets here?” Michonne asks with a glint in her eyes.

“Hush,” Carol replies. She cradles her belly between her arms as she takes a look around the room.

Ezekiel knows she’s judging to see what she can do, no doubt trying to see if there’s enough space for her to walk back and forth. He looks around and realizes that Michonne’s room is spacious enough if he moves a couple of things out of the way. Without offering, and sharing only a look with Michonne to ask for her permission, Ezekiel starts moving things towards one corner of the room, creating enough open area in front of the foot of the bed for Carol to use as she wishes. He’s regarded with a watery smile from Carol and a second kiss once he approaches her.

“May I, my Queen?” He asks as he offers his arm. Carol gives him a roll of the eyes but takes his offered support. Together they start walking in circles around Michonne’s bedroom. They only stop when a contraction robs Carol of the ability to walk, her body shaking with the pain. He holds her against him, rocking and humming to try and calm her down. Sometimes he presses kisses against her temple and tells her how proud he is of her.

While they do their rounds, Daryl comes in carrying the various things they will need only to leave at the first sign of pain from his best friend. Ezekiel can’t blame him. He too hates seeing Carol in any sort of pain but he knows that pain is part of the process, especially when there are no drugs to help take some of the edge off.

“I think... I’d like to... sit.” Carol whimpers after hours of walking.

He’d have thought she’d want to sit down earlier but she had surprised him with her strength and resolution to keep walking, so they had kept walking. He wasn’t dumb and he wasn’t going to tell her she had to sit or lay down if it wasn’t what she was feeling like doing. He wants to make her as comfortable as possible not force her into anything.

Her contractions are very close together. So close that he wonders if she’s getting any rest at all in between. They have to stop twice in the short distance between one of the windows and the bed but eventually, they reach it. With Ezekiel’s help, she is able to lower herself on the bed. She doesn’t last long sitting before she is shaking her head and squirming on the mattress.

“What is it, beloved?” Ezekiel asks as he kneels in front of her. His hand smooths back and forth on her leg though he’s not sure if he’s doing it for her sake or his own. The more he sees her in pain, the closer they get to their daughter’s birth, the more he worries. Will everything be all right with Carol and the baby? Will he be a good father? Will he be able to teach his daughter everything he knows, including how to defend herself from a world that leaves you no choice but to be on your guard every second of every day? What if he can’t and he fails his wife and child again?

“Hurts.” Carol whimpers, breaking through his thoughts. “I feel like she’s... right there and it hurts to sit.”

He raises his head to turn to look at Michonne who gives him a nod before getting on the bed. “Come on, Carol.” She cooes at her with a soft voice, waving at her to lean back against her. “I’ve got you. Come on, lay back.”

Taking Carol’s legs in his arms, Ezekiel waits until his wife has leaned back against Michonne before helping her get situated. He takes off her boots with outmost care and places them by the bed before taking a moment to simply look at her. She is sweaty, obviously in pain and sending him looks that aren’t quite as tender as before. She’s still the most beautiful woman in the world.

Before he can tell her she’s gorgeous they are interrupted by a contraction that has her leaning back fully against Michonne, her eyes closed tightly, her hands instantly bunching up the towels beneath her. “Open your legs for Ezekiel, Carol. He needs to see.” Michonne urges.

His wife does as told though she does it very slowly. She plants her feet against the mattress, legs slowly parting. Ezekiel is glad they’d gotten rid of her underwear hours ago because what he sees leaves them very little time. Already he can see the bulge of his daughter’s head and the teardrop that signals their time as expecting parents is coming to a close. He can see a dusting of black hair, his first glimpse at his little one.

“I need to... push.” Carol grunts between clenched teeth though the way she bears down tells him that she isn’t asking permission and merely letting him know that she is going to do it.

He watches her hold her breath as she pushes down, her face growing red and even more sweaty than before. He quickly reaches for a small face towel which he dips into lukewarm water and wrings out before folding it into a rectangle and handing it to Michonne who proceeds to wipe Carol’s face with it once she has leaned back. “That was so good, Carol.” Michonne urges her. “I bet with a couple of more pushes like those your little girl will be with us.”

Ezekiel will forever be thankful to Michonne for helping them, for urging his wife to continue pushing even when she’s ready to give up and letting him experience his child being born in a way he never thought he would. He had always thought he’d be the one holding Carol as she labored and yet there he was, watching as his little girl’s head slowly come into the world, guiding it with a loving hand until the whole head was out, checking to make sure that there was no chord caught around her neck and that her shoulders weren’t stuck. He watches in awe as the baby turns, the miracle of life blooming in front of him.

“One more push, my love,” Ezekiel promises, a hand holding his baby’s head while the other gently caresses her thigh. Carol nods, takes a breath as the contraction once more reaches its pinnacle and pushes with all her might, a warrior cry escaping her lips as she does everything in her power to deliver their baby.

With a rush, his daughter is born, delivered safely into his arms. She’s covered in vermix, her little face scrunched up, her arms shaking in anger at the whole process of being born, and she’s crying loud and clear for everyone to hear. It’s the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

She’s finally here. Their daughter is born and she is perfect.

Crying tears of joy, Carol reaches for their baby. He gently raises her before guiding her to lay on her mother’s belly and chest. She’s so tiny, so delicate and so absolutely perfect. Carol cries as she cuddles their baby close, her eyes zeroed in on their daughter’s face as the calms down a little. She recognizes her mother’s heartbeat, Ezekiel has no doubt about it.

Before the baby can start rooting for her mother’s breast, Michonne signals for him to switch with her. Ezekiel suddenly feels as if everything is moving too fast around him and as if he can barely move. All he has eyes for is his wife and daughter, his reasons for being. The transition is as smooth as can be only because Michonne has helped by doing most of it and guiding him through the rest. “Hold them, don’t worry about the rest. I’ll take care of it.”

The baby rests against her mother’s trembling chest. He’s not sure if it’s because of the shock of having given birth or because Carol is cold. He quickly reaches for the soft towel that had been prepped and laid beside the laboring mother and carefully cleans up his little girl’s face, taking as much of the white vernix away from her before covering mother and child with a warm blanket.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Carol mumbles as she looks down at their little girl, her soft fingers caressing a newborn hand. “You are all right. You are ok. You are alive. You made it.” Carol whispers endlessly to their baby. “Shhh, it’s all right my little love, Mama’s got you.”

His beautiful daughter continues half crying, half rooting for her first meal. She blinks as if she’s too exhausted to keep her eyes open yet too stubborn to rest, just like her mother, but the movement is enough for him to see her striking blue eyes. His daughter is the perfect amalgamation of Carol and himself; his chocolate skin tone perhaps a tone or two lighter, his dark curly hair, and her mother’s blue eyes and perfect upturned nose. He instantly loves her more than life itself.

“Relax, my little Princess,” Ezekiel whispers as he cups the back of his daughter’s head with a trembling hand. His touch seems to calm her and his voice obviously catches her attention for she turns her little face in his direction.

“She knows your voice,” Carol notes before snuggling against him as best as she can.

“She’s perfect, Carol.” He whispers. Lovingly, he places a kiss to Carol’s temple before tightening his arms around them to help them feel protected. Carol leans her head against him, her body trembling harder. He knows right away that she’s crying though he’s not sure if it’s tears of happiness or relief that everything went well. “She’s healthy and perfect and you made it all happen.”

“We made it happen.” Carol corrects him between tears.

He smiles. Carol has no way of knowing how much her words mean to him, how they make him feel loved beyond his comprehension, how they raise him to heights he has never visited before, but he’s grateful she’s said them. She is right; they’ve made it all happen. This is their daughter and no one will take her away.

With the baby’s first feeding comes the afterbirth which Michonne quickly deals with. Together they clean mother and child who instantly seem anxious at being separated. Once everyone is fully cleaned and settled, and Michonne has left the room, Ezekiel hands back their baby to Carol who pulls the tiny body against her, letting her rest against her chest. She places a hand on the baby’s back and sighs in relief.

Not wanting to interrupt the picture-perfect moment between mother and daughter, Ezekiel sits on the edge of the bed and simply observes them. His daughter is sleeping, curled up in fetal position against her mother’s chest, her tiny mouth parted as she breathes. Carol looks tired, far more than he’s ever seen her look, her hair is wild and curling around her face but there is a glint in her eyes that can’t be extinguished, a glint their daughter has placed there.

“We need to give her a name,” Carol whispers as she smooths her hand down the baby’s head. “We can’t keep calling her the baby or princess.”

“Have you decided on one?” Ezekiel asks. He’s not quite sure if she has a name in mind but if she does he’d like to hear about it.

“No,” Carol admits sounding almost defeated. “I thought I did, but it doesn’t quite fit her.”

“What was the name?”

Carol turns to look at him but gives him only a little shrug. “Margaery, after my mother.” He watches as she turns to look at the baby on her chest, her eyes studying the baby she’s just brought to the world. “I don’t know though. I had thought of naming Sophia after her but Ed always said that the name was weird and old. I named her Sophia instead. I thought perhaps this baby could be named that but... it feels more like a second name.”

Carol turns to look at him, her tired sparkly eyes zeroing in on his. He wants nothing more than to slip in bed and hold them but the memory of what he’d thought earlier that day had him holding back.

“What about you? Have you thought of any names.”

He has but he shakes his head at her. “You’d think me silly and our daughter deserves more than a silly name.”

Carol raises an eyebrow at him in a challenge. “Please?”

Ezekiel doesn’t want to bring sadness to the moment, to the little bubble of happiness their daughter has created around them, but offering the name without the story behind it would be unfair. “Back when the Kingdom was nothing but a group of travelers who had stumbled upon the school and had decided to settle in and dream of a better world, Henry used to pretend to play that he was a knight. He’d run around waving a branch that he proudly declared was his sword which he used to save the people that had traveled with us. One day I stumbled upon him pretending Shiva was a dragon and that he was saving an invisible princess. We united forces, defeated the evil dragon and saved Princess Ella. After that, every time he played he was a knight he was saving that princess. I tried so hard to make sure he could have a childhood, that he could continue playing instead of actually going out there to witness death and destruction. Perhaps I should have been training him instead.”

Ezekiel looks away from his wife and child and sighs a deep sigh of sadness. He doesn’t want to fall apart in front of Carol so he leans over and kisses the baby’s head, then places an equally sweet kiss on Carol’s forehead. “Her name can wait. Rest, however, cannot.”

He’s about to lean back and leave when Carol’s hand grabs hold of his wrist. “Don’t go,” she begs. “Don’t leave us.”

“I don’t want to disturb you.”

“You don’t. You are her father. You are my husband. You’d never disturb us, Zeke.”

She tugs at his wrist a little harder, enough for him to relent. Slowly he slides into the bed, careful of his every move to not jostle his daughter or Carol too much. When he’s finally slid into place, he turns on his side and watches his wife and daughter. They are both gorgeous. They are both his reasons for being.

“Zeke?” Carol’s voice breaks through the silence that has settled between them. “May I ask you something?”

“You may ask me anything your heart desires, my love.”

Carol seems unsure to continue, her eyes fluttering between their sleeping baby and him. Unable to see her so conflicted, Ezekiel raises a hand and presses the back of his index finger on her waist, gently smoothing it up until he reaches her elbow before moving it down.

“Whatever it is, I shall answer.” He promises.

The promise seems to be enough for Carol who gives a tiny nod before kissing the top of her baby’s head. She can’t see it but the baby lets out a tiny expression that almost looks like a smile. Ezekiel can see it though and it’s enough to tug a smile on his lips as well.

“When you came down with Judith and RJ, you had a weird expression on your face.” She explains.

His mouth dries almost instantly. He knew she’d noticed but he didn’t think Carol would actually ask him about it.

“What were you thinking about? It... it didn’t seem like it was just the surprise.” Carol continues on, her eyes now tracing his face. “You seemed almost... defeated and terrified.”

He technically could lie to her. He could invent something about being wakened and having to be on alert in a second. He could pretend he was scared of the impending birth. He could erase what he’d experienced in those moments before the kids had come for him. He could do all that and Carol wouldn’t know the wiser. He’d promised her to answer, though. He had assured her that he would answer no matter what the topic was. He knows that if he’d seen that expression on Carol’s face he wouldn’t like to be lied about its cause. The only thing left was to answer truthfully and hope she didn’t confirm his worst fear.

“Ezekiel? Please tell me?”

“I was defeated and terrified.” He admits in a very soft tone, almost a whisper that could be easily lost between them despite the close proximity of their bodies. “I am not proud of it, but when I woke up and you were gone I thought you’d left. I thought the life I offered wasn’t of your interest and you had slipped away in the middle of the night or early in the morn. I believed you were gone, taking our unborn daughter with you. I... I felt abandoned. I felt used. I felt terrified and defeat.”

Carol listens closely. He can see her eyes are filling with tears, tears that make him want to go back and lie to her about the reason for his expression, tears that he wishes he had the power to make disappear.

“I’m so sorry.” She finally whispers in a broken tone, her words interrupted by the swell of a bubble on her throat that seems to rob her of her very breath.

“It is not your fault.”

“It is,” she quickly corrects him as the tears start to slide down her reddened cheeks. “I’ve abandoned you more than once, I’ve asked you to wait for me, to give me space, I’ve told you we’re fixing things and then gave you the cold shoulder. I’ve run from you every single time you’ve opened your arms to me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgi-“

“Stop, please.” She begs as she turns her body towards his, their daughter still snuggled to her chest. In her sleep, their baby gets a little fuzzy as she reacts to her mother’s emotions. Her little mouth lets out a pout in sleep as she gives a tiny grunt. Carol reacts to their baby, trying to soothe her, but her tears are coming far too fast. Wanting to help somehow, Ezekiel reaches for their daughter, taking her in his strong arms and cradling her to his chest tenderly as he turns to lay on his back, cradling her as if she is the most fragile thing in the world. After a couple of sleepy grunts, their baby seems to settle against his chest which makes him soar. He’s proud that his daughter already knows him and trusts him, even in her sleep.

“You know there is something to forgive.” He hears Carol continue though his eyes never leave the tiny face so close to him. “I’ve pushed you to the point that the first thing you think of when you wake up and I’m not there is that I’ve run away yet again. I’ve made you think I would leave you once more and... take our daughter with me. I’ve made you think I am that cold.”

“Carol, it matters not.”

“Except it does. I don’t want you to...” she seems to pause to catch her breath, to clear her mind. Her eyes close as she steadies herself. “I don’t want you to think that way anymore but I know I deserve it. I’ve lost your trust, maybe even your love. I... Ive let you down, I’ve let Henry down, I’ve let our family down.”

He opens his mouth to correct her but Carol interrupts him by sliding down in the bed and turning to lay on her side, her face close to his when he turns it to her. “Listen to me Ezekiel, and listen carefully. I’m never taking our baby from you. I’m never leaving you again. We can co-parent if you no longer want to be married, or if you no longer want to try and fix our marriage. I understand, I truly do. I don’t know how long it will take me but I will earn your trust again. I will show you I’m not going anywhere.”

“I still love you, Carol.” He admits as truthfully as he can as soon as she stops talking. “Even through my anger and doubts, even at my worst, I’ve always and will always love you. I don’t want to co-parent. I want us to be a family. A real family. A family that loves each other and is there for everyone. I want to raise this baby with you, I want to wake up by your side every day, I want to grow old with you. Perhaps my trust is shaken at the moment, but my love will never falter.”

“I want to grow old with you too,” Carol finally admits. “I don’t ever want to be away from you. Not ever again. I swear, I’m not going anywhere, not if you’ll have me.”

He gives her a tiny nod before taking one of the hands that securely holds their daughter against his chest and draping it over her pillow as an invitation to move closer. Carol doesn’t hesitate and slides against his side, her head resting on his pectoral while he rests a hand over her shoulder and brings her closer. “I love you so much, Ezekiel, so much. I’ll show you every day how much, I swear.”

Tenderly he presses his lips to the crown of her head. Carol leans her head back enough so that she can look up at him. “I love you.” She whispers before cupping his cheek and bringing him in for a sweet kiss.

“And I love you, beloved.”

She snuggles against him once more, her head back on his pectoral, her hand joining his over their daughter’s bottom. “Let us start anew.” He declares before pressing yet another kiss on her forehead. “As a family, as a couple.”

He feels her nod against his chest. They’ve come to an agreement, an understanding that he knows will see them through the rest of their lives and marriage, however long that will be. He feels at peace at knowing that the two most important people in his life are in his arms and will remain in his arms forever. He feels at peace for the first time in a long time.

“Sleep,” he whispers once he hears her breathing return to normal. “You need it. You deserve it after the miracle you’ve performed. Our daughter will need you to be rested and strong for her first days in this world. We’ve yet to decide on a name and that in itself requires a clear head.”

Carol gives him a tiny nod which he feels against his chest. He hears her press a kiss to one of their baby’s cheeks before he feels her root against his chest once more, settling in for the night.

“I will watch over your sleep,” Ezekiel promises. “Yours and our Princess-“

“Ella,” Carol interrupts with a sleepy mumble against his chest. “Ella Margaery.”

He grins, unable to stop the curling of his lips as he hears their daughter’s name for the first time. Ezekiel gives a tiny chuckle before re-staying what he’d been saying. “I will watch over your and Ella Margaery’s sleep.”

___

There is a storm coming.

He can see it through the window as he observes the darkened sky. He can hear it in the wind that slams against the front of the house. He can feel it in the way his body reacts as a clap of thunder sounds nearby.

Yet even as he watches nature roar around him he knows this time there is something different. This time there is no storm within him to match the storm outside. Instead, all he feels is peace.

A part of him is still a broken man, he will always be one. The only way that part could heal would be if Henry came back to him, if he could hug his son one more time and tell him how much he loves him, how proud he is. He knows it’s impossible as much as he wishes it wasn’t. He knows Henry wouldn’t want him to be surrounded by hate so he surrounds that part of his broken soul with every ounce of love he feels.

Love for Henry.

Love for Carol.

Love for Ella.

In his arms, his tiny newborn daughter wiggles before letting out a full-body trembling yawn. Her tiny hands curl beside her face as she kicks her legs. She’s small, so small, but perfect in every way. Feisty like her mother and sunny like her father.

A whimper and tiny pout that tells him Ella is hungry quickly follows and he knows his time observing the outside world is drawing to a close. It doesn’t matter though, not when everything he cares about lies within the four walls of their bedroom. His wife, his daughter, Henry’s memory and their future together. Knowing he has those things, knowing he will not lose them any time soon, gives him the hope he seemed to have lost.

Perhaps he will always be a broken man but even a broken man deserves a second chance. He certainly does and he doesn’t plan to let it go to waste.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> This one is very different to what I usually write. I hope you guys enjoy it! Updates should come fast since most is written.


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